The saying goes like this..."Every new beginning is some beginning's end".

And so it is with this chapter of "She Just Got Married".

I'll be taking the site down soon. It's been a wonderful ride. I've been so blessed to be a part of so many new beginnings. I've been a part of your wedding days, your anniversaries and even the births of some precious babies. All virtually, of course. That's the amazing gift of the internet. We can share so much of our lives with each other. And it's been simply magical - being a part of your story, sharing the journey of newlywed women across the world.  

Thank you for being a part of it all.

So what's next? Well, I hope to have a new site up soon after the first of the year. No more trying to 'do it all'. I want to focus on what has been my heart's desire all along....encouraging newlywed women and being encouraged in return. We're in this together!

So... no more "She Just Got Married" Boutique.

No more Forum (there's just so much cyber chatting one can do!)

No more biting off more than I can chew! I know marriage - and that is where I'll center the new site.

Does that seem arrogant to say "I know marriage?" I don't think so. I do! I know the highs and I know the lows. And at the core I still believe that if you don't love yourself you can't love another. When you do and you have a partner who does as well (loves himself) then together you can take on whatever the world has to offer - those highs and lows I referred to.  With that in mind, I will continue to use the concept of "Discovering YOU After 'I Do'". I like how it sounds but I love what it implies. There's a lot to learn as a newly married woman. A lot!

As many of you know I lost my sister in law this past summer. She took her own life. My world was shattered as she was my closest friend where I am living now. I grew up with only brothers and I always called her 'the sister I never wanted'. It was true - I never wanted a sister while I was growing up. But then I 'got' her. And she was, indeed, the sister I never had...the one I thought I never wanted.

Why would I share this with you? What does this have to do with saying 'good-bye' to a website?

I thought I was helping her through a very difficult part of her life....divorce. The end of a 30 year marriage.  Her own biological sisters told me, at one time during the process, that there was no way she could get through this without me - that she had found a new strength in herself with me by her side.

It wasn't enough. It was years too late. And I felt guilty.

I don't share this with you to get sympathy. I'm moving past the sense of guilt and even the anger. I am still very sad. But I've had many days and nights to consider what, if anything, I have to share from this day on that would be of value to newlywed women. If I couldn't even help my 'sister' - how could I have anything worthwhile to share with women I don't even know personally? And my answer came through my husband and my own marriage. I see it in action every day and I truly believe learning and living who I am as a woman, a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter and friend is a life journey that begins with loving myself.

 We'll never know what all led to the tragic decision to end her life.  She had been involved in an accident 4 years ago where she incurred head trauma. I want, even need, to believe that was a big part of it. But I do know, because she shared intimately with me, that she was terrified at the thought of being alone. Not living on her own but living as a woman, separate and apart from the role of someone's wife.

Do I have all the answers? Of course not.  So I hope you'll come along on this next chapter of the journey so together we can strengthen and empower each other to live love-centered lives.

There are some fabulous specialty sites out there that can help a bride to be. Here are a few of my favorites:

Emmaline Bride   (the wedding guide for the handmade bride)                               

Recycled Bride (a free marketplace to recycle everything from wedding gowns to table decorations)

The Broke-ass Bride (the ultimate DIY inspiration)

Bravo Bride (buy or sell new and pre-owned wedding items)

Sharon Naylor Wedding Books (author of over 30 wedding planning books)

The Man Registry (hey...the groom has his list too!)

Style Me Pretty (beautiful luxurious wedding inspiration)

Southern Weddings (oh darlin'...it's just simply fabulous Southern inspiration)

Sweet Sensations (just because I love Sharon Alexander who has been a true encouragement to me by just being her sweet self).

Here's to happily ever after!

Love, Denee

P.S. I took away the ability to comment due to a flood of spam. But I'd love to hear from you with any suggestions you have so shoot me an email at Denee@shejustgotmarried.com

Jennifer Fernicola Ronay

A funny thing happened on the way back from the altar - or, in H and my case, the outdoor gazebo. I've been married almost a year and it seems that almost since our wedding day, I've been subjected to comments of this variety ~

We'll be going to your baby shower next! 
You've got to start making babies.
You're in your 30's. You'll be lucky to get pregnant now.

Uh, ok. 

Isn't if and when I have children H and my business?  So, why can't people leave me alone and stop trying to shove me into a locker filled with binkies and boppies (whatever the hell those are)?

I've come up with three possible reasons ~

1/ It comes from a good place - some people are so filled with joy over parenting that they just want others to experience that joy too. 

2/ But I'm smart enough (and old enough, as some people like to point directly at my eggs and remind me) to know that it could also be that misery loves company. Just saying.

3/ Though, I think a third possible reason could exist - it's the 'life affirming' factor.  It works like this ~ Mary really wants you to want what Mary has.  It makes Mary feel better.  As long as Mary thinks other people want what Mary has, it reassures Mary that Mary made the right decisions in life, after all, and Mary can feel good about that ... at least for a moment. 

But, Mary, with your little lamb, please! It shouldn't work like that.  If you're truly happy, you don't have to push your life and your choices on anyone else, you don't have to convince anyone to do what you did, you can just accept your friends and loved ones as they are, no matter what their decisions, you're just happy that they're happy.  Is that so hard?  ... Never mind.  Please don't steal my lunch money.

Today, I am grateful ~
1/ that I live in an age where I have control over whether or not to reproduce
2/ that my mom
3/ and my true friends are not amongst those pushing me into a corner with a baby carriage.

Anyway, maybe this is all meant to prepare me for the future in case I do decide to have a baby and then must face the biggest strong-armers of them all ... the breastfeeding bullies.

♥ Follow Jennifer in her blog for ChicagoNow.com entitled "Stop and Blog the Roses". 

Jennifer is a Lawyer and CPA turned writer/reporter/blogger. Read her story - it's a good one and pretty darn inspiring!

Ok, I'm new to this site simply because i'm about to go crazy if I don't get some advice on this topic. Lets start by saying that my mother-in-law is getting married as soon as my husband gets home from deployment about 1000 miles far from us and we are going to her wedding. Well point is i'm freaking out! I'm having nervous attacks, because ever since i've been married to my husband she has been "rude" to me and it seems like she tries to compete with me for my husband's attention!

Some examples would be.. When he rubs my shoulders she will bat her eyes at him and make a comment like "why do her shoulders get rubbed and not mine?" I feel like screaming "because i"m his wife and he loves me God forbid he rubs my shoulders!"

Or another time I made a nice dinner set the table and all and I marinated the chicken in Dr. Pepper (which you cannot taste) she refused to eat my dinner I made her. One time I called her to vent about one of our arguements and somewho the topic got brought of of cheating and I told her, "I would never ever cheat on my husband" and she said "yeah well thats wat michelle said too". Michelle is my husband's brother's ex-wife.

Another time was when we went to go visit my brother in law to meet our new niece for the first time and my mother in law has met her several times and she shouts out " I get to see Taylor first and hold and play with her before anyone gets to because i'm her grandma!" (in a rude manner).

I'm just fed up with her rude remarks towards me. I feel like she doesn't accept me and it hurts because more then anything I would love to be close with her. I am very respectful and nice to her but that doesn't work. I'm starting to feel resentful towards her. I also get bugged because she never ever calls my husband not even on holidays to check on him. He's been deployed 3 months and she has not called me once! I don't know what to do! Any suggestions?

Life.

You may be wondering if we fell off the face of the earth? And the answer is yes, we kind of did.  

At least the earth as it used to spin for us.  Our days used to be mostly 'normal' - often even predictable. But mundane? Never! Of course not.....we were newlyweds so you know what that means.....Days of endless romance culminated in nights of steamy, hot sex'. Every night. We'd have to stop just long enough to eat and go to work but other than that....

WAKE UP!

In the real world we have been living and learning. Married life has definitely been the trip of a lifetime....a journey of discovery and growth. We will celebrate our 3^rd anniversary next week. WOW!

And now...our little family of two has grown. So - where have we been?

Are we still ROCKIN' it?

Oh Yeah....but now it has a little added meaning!

I had an idea for a movie that is so funny (in my mind). In fact, I pitched it to a friend who is kind of 'in the biz'. And even though he laughed at the appropriate times I could tell he just couldn't see what I was seeing inside my own brain.

So - since I don't plan on pursuing my screen writing career (nor will I open the pie kitchen I've thought about and I most likely will never be a stand-up comic much to the relief of my family) I will share the basic idea of my movie with you. It goes like this:

A woman goes on vacation to Mexico. She has her handy 'English to Spanish' dictionary and a few years of college Spanish to get her through. She's in the airport trying to gather her luggage. She drops her purse and the contents spill out. A friendly airport security officer comes over to help her at which point she quickly scans her memory to try to speak Spanish to him.

She somewhat dramatically puts her hand on her forehead and tries to say 'I'm embarrassed' but her Spanish is a bit rusty and instead of using the correct word, "avergonzado", she says:

"Soy embarazadas" - which means "I'm PREGNANT".

The kind officer begins to motion for other officers to come over and help him. They have a brief conversation, in Spanish, naturally, where he informs his fellow security officers that the woman is pregnant. Immediately one of them grabs a chair from a nearby restaurant, rushes over with the chair and carefully eases her into it.

At this point she realizes she is missing a piece of luggage. She looks around frantically and says "Paleta, Paleta" trying to say "Suitcase". But the word for suitcase is actually "MALETA".

Paleta means Popsicle.

The officers think she's getting sick and since she's pregnant, naturally she needs some kind of ice cream. And while she is flattered that the people of Mexico are so welcoming and kind she is also very confused.

And.....Cut!

I'll stop there with the movie scene. But it is funny, right? Well....in my mind it is.

And therein lies the point. So many times what we mean to say comes out completely different from the way we intend. What might sound like a compliment can actually come out all wrong and be taken very offensively.

How many times have you had a 'discussion' with your husband and the words just get all jumbled. One of you ends up saying:

"That's not what I meant at all!!"

There's a reason the woman in my movie took her English to Spanish translation dictionary with her but in her moment of frenzy she didn't stop to make sure what she meant to say was actually what she said.

My mom used to always say "think before you speak". It took a few years and several arguments with my husband to appreciate this advice. I get it now. Thanks, Mom!

My husband and I are crazy in love. As my mom said to me one time..."I think you're the only couple I know who truly wouldn't mind being stranded on a desert island together." We just like being together. We talk about everything....everything! We each work from home so we're together all....the....time! And yet, I can't wait to get up every morning for the uninterrupted hour we share sipping coffee and celebrating being alive. We laugh a lot. This has been our routine for several years now and it's become the one 'for sure' in our lives.

But for a week now I've been sick. I don't even know what's wrong (and heaven forbid I go to the doctor....please don't lecture me!). I am one of those "I never get sick" people. So if by some crazy chance I do feel bad, I'm kind of irritated and (maybe) a little irritating! 

My husband loves me - this I know. But it's easier to love someone when they're strong, fun, upbeat, positive, happy-go-lucky and generally a nice person. I like to think that's me most of the time! This week? Not so much. I wasn't mean....I was just in pain and after a while it wears you down. I cried a lot.

So instead of retreating to the man-cave until I felt like myself again, he sat beside me and held my aching head in his hands, massaged my temples, gently ran his fingers through my hair and whispered words of 'positive energy'. Not just once but several times and even during the middle of the night.

I know that, for the most part, we don't think about the 'in sickness and in health' part of the wedding vows but the truth is....we all feel bad from time to time. I know for me.....his love is healing.  

Do you extend love when he's sick...and does he do the same for you?

And if you've never had a medical bill - WOO HOOO!!!

If you've never known someone with a debilitating illness then you're living in a cave and probably not reading this anyway.

I'm writing this on behalf of someone who I've never personally met but has been a part of my life for almost -three years. In fact, shortly after we started "She Just Got Married" I was Googling 'wedding sites' and came across one that - if for no other reason that the name - grabbed my attention. Soon the "Broke-Ass Bride" became an addiction.

If you follow wedding blogs then you know Dana LaRue, better known as The Broke-Ass Bride...the funky, fun, make-ya-wanna say HOLLA all day long, DIY wedding chick. Today she's taking her larger-than-life personality down a notch today. Well, not really - that just wouldn't be her style!

But - she's facing something that most of us will never have to face. Yeah - we gots da bills and ills ourselves at times but today - she's stepping way out of her comfort zone and asking for our help. But leave it to Dana to nevah-evah ask for anything without givin' back! (See? This is why I follow her!)

So, I'm just asking you to check out "Dishing for Dana" and simply spread the word! Do you have a blog? Would you just post a link to her site? Do you have a comfort food recipe? Yeah...you'll have to read her post to find out what that sweet tease is all about!

(Yep....that's an eye patch)

Can you spare a buck or two? GREAT! Just click DONATE and skip the mocha-choke-ya-grande today. You won't miss the spare change but you'll be a part of something that will do more than give you a caffeine rush...it'll give you the blessing of knowing you're making a difference! What's better than that?

Can I get a HOLLA for DANA??

H and I will celebrate our third wedding anniversary next week, and in those three short years we’ve had plenty of “for betters”: watching his daughter graduate from high school and begin her exciting college career, celebrating the birth of our first child and eagerly anticipating the birth of our second, redecorating our home together. But we’ve also had plenty of “for worses”: my suffering a miscarriage and needing surgery, my mom being diagnosed with cancer, my being laid off from my job, H’s parents health issues, H surviving several rounds of layoffs at his job, the sudden death of H’s younger brother, and just yesterday, the death of my mother.

“For worses” can be a huge stress on a marriage. Unexpected financial changes, one partner suffering a medical crisis or illness, issues with in-laws or other relatives can all pull a couple apart. But they can also cause a couple to rely on each other for strength and support. And that’s what can turn a “for worse” into a “for better”.

Over the past few weeks, H has been my rock as I dealt with my mom’s worsening illness. He gave me emotional support when I needed it, logistical support when I was too overwhelmed to deal with practical things, and just generally kept me grounded any time my head was off in the clouds. I don’t know how I could have survived those weeks without him by my side. He definitely turned the “for worse” into a “for better”. And I had done the same for him last year when his brother passed away: that time I was the calming influence, I was the emotional rock, I was the cooler head. I was the “for better” in that particular “for worse”.

And even when we’re going through a “for worse” that effects us both equally, it’s easier to manage when we help each other through it. When two people are both falling over, if they lean against each other, they’ll stay upright. Neither one of you may have enough strength alone, but if you pool your strength, you just might find you have enough to make it through any situation.

So as you take those vows to support each other “for better or for worse”, be sure to think about the “for worse” part, too. You just might find that in some ways, “for worse” can be even better than “for better”.

SURPRISE!!! When was the last time you shouted those words or even whispered those words in your hubby’s ear?

These past couple weeks I’ve been wanting my husband to do something for me. Surprise me with something I love. Anything really… flowers, chocolate, breakfast in bed, or a romantic picnic at the park. Don’t get me wrong, I know my husband loves me. He shows me all the time- His words, hugs, and even doing the dishes {which is one of my love languages!}

But lately, I’ve had such a craving for a special surprise. Our weekends have been packed full of family and friends and week nights we are always out with people or at church, or just needing to rest. Our date nights are pretty non-existent unless you count getting sushi from the local grocery store and eating on the couch together, or drinking hot chocolate and doing our budget.

Anyways you get my point…I need a fun-filled day with just my hubby and I. It’s been a week now since I told my husband, “I would really love a surprise…like flowers or chocolate…anything.” Can you believe I actually hinted that I wanted a surprise? Doesn’t that kind of ruin the whole concept!

But the SURPRISE isn’t that it actually happened, the surprise is…I’ve decided to prepare the surprise! Instead of for me, it’s going to be for him. Not based on what I would love, but on what he would love {and luckily we do enjoy a lot of the same things}.

So this Saturday morning, before he even opens his eyes, there will be a little love note tucked beside his pillow, and on it will read,

“Just because I love you!! This day is full of little surprises just for you. Thank you for loving me, caring for me, and being my best friend.”

Throughout the day I am scattering little surprises… like pancakes in the morning, picnic at the botanical gardens, and a movie in the evening. I’m not going all out, I’m basically using what we have around the house. Homemade pancakes for breakfast and peanut butter and jellies for picnic lunch are simple, cheap, and yummy. Throw in a couple candy bars for the movie and then wrap it all in surprises and you’ve got yourself a romantic, fun, and restful day with hubby.

After a year and a half of marriage, I’m noticing it’s already easy to get in a rut with each other. So take time to spice up your relationship. It doesn’t have to be costly, but it can definitely be creative!

I’m learning that I don’t have to wait or get frustrated because I’m not feeling loved. The best way to feel truly loved is to give it out- in large doses.  So don’t wait to wait for hubby to act, don’t even give yourself time to think about being bitter or upset for the lack of romance in your marriage…take action!

Be the first to sprinkle some creativity amongst the two of you- whether you whisper it in his ear, tell him on the phone, or write him a message, “Surprise…I’ve got a little something prepared for the two of us…”

Take delight in surprising your husband with love this weekend!

Stars bordered the bold letters in the middle which read, “To The Most Amazing Girl in My Universe…Thank you for being the best girl, girlfriend, fiancé, and wife I could ever ask for!”

He presented my certificate to me on my birthday, a few weeks before our wedding. Over a year has passed now and I still have it hanging on the inside of my closet door. Sometimes I look at it and sigh, realizing that I am anything but the most amazing wife. However most of the time it is a reminder to me of what I am to my husband.

What I am to him is what matters most.

Comparing the way I cook, dress, or decorate our house to other women is never going to make me feel like I am measuring up. I am simple girl. I can eat tuna and noodles over candlelight, or even an elegant bowl of cereal for dinner. I also like being comfortable. So sometimes sweatpants around the house and even to the grocery store are okay with me! And my house, well, all of its furnishings have been given to me. Everything besides the pictures on my wall has been a gift. My house is literally adorned in grace.

And so is my life...adorned in grace. I guess, at the end of the day, this is what actually classifies me as the The Most Amazing Girl to my husband. I am a woman of grace, and that is beautiful to him.

I don’t confess to have it all together. I definitely made some obvious mistakes. I’ve had quite a few emotional melt downs. Not to mention how many times I’ve let him down or how many times I’ve hurt him with my actions and words. I stand in grace, not in perfection. Striving to be the woman God has called me to be, but definitely not there yet.

It’s on those I-feel-blah-days in particular when I still can look at that award in my closet and with confidence say, “In my husband’s eyes I am still the most amazing girl.” He doesn’t compare me to anyone else, even if I get jealous of other women’s personalities, style of clothes, or ability to decorate. He takes me as I am-the simplicities and complexities. Actually, my husband didn’t just give me that award a couple years ago, he gives it to me every day in the way he looks at me, talks to me, and loves me.

A woman of grace. That is what makes the most amazing girl, the most amazing wife.

Give your husband an award too- don’t compare yourself to other women. You are not like anyone else in the world. God has given you the grace to be who He has called you to be- your looks, personality, talents, and appearance are all from Him. And you, by grace, can be “The Most Amazing Girl in Your Husband’s Universe.”

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” Proverbs 31:30-31

Flowers in bloom? Check!

Warmer weather.....longer days? Oh yeah!

The cold winter is over and you can definitely sense 'renewal' all around. Many of us feel invigorated with an overwhelming desire to de-clutter and spruce up the house. Our wardrobe even gets an overhaul packing away the winter coats and boots, getting a fresh pedicure with bright polish on our toenails so we can wear our flip flops and sandals.

So maybe this is a good time to also refresh your relationship!

Like any home improvement process, take on one project at a time! Does your bedroom need a makeover? Don't freak out because you can't rush out and buy all new furniture and bedding....start with a fresh coat of paint in a new color! Maybe add a new picture and a plant on the night stand. See? Small steps make a difference.

Ok - so that's all well and good with your house but maybe the voice in your head is saying something like...."Yeah, if he'd just clean up his act or start by de-cluttering his stash of annoying friends things would be better!"

You might be right but if your relationship feels like you're just 'snowed in' and toughing it out until the chill passes, hoping for a sudden burst of spring-time happiness to just bloom on its own....you might as well just keep the electric blanket around all year because it's just going to get colder.

Alisa Bowman in her book, Project Happily Ever After, talks openly and honestly, telling the story of how she went from wishing her husband dead to renewing her wedding vows. She writes from what she calls 'the perspective of a recovering divorce daydreamer".

WHAT?? Divorce?? Why are we even mentioning that word? You're a newlywed for goodness sake!  

Because like everything else we do in life, preventive maintenance and ongoing care is crucial - our bodies, our houses, our cars and our relationships. Don't ignore the 'check engine light', the nagging toothache, the leaky faucet or the chill in the air of your relationship.

Alisa and her husband, Mark, were featured on The Today Show this week. Great interview! What I loved was Alisa's honest confession when her friend listened to her complain about her relationship and her husband for 45 minutes and then asked..."what have you done to save your marriage?" Her answer? Nothing. So she took action!

Don't wait for the break down...where you're left stranded on the road or in the emergency room...or the attorney's office.

Spring is in here....and it might just be the perfect time to de-clutter and spruce up the house as well as your relationship! Even small steps make a big difference.

The prime example of this, for me, was last year when I needed to have some major dental work done. Knowing that I am hugely dental-phobic, my husband found a wonderful dental practice that does sedation dentistry, and drove me to my appointment. Knowing that a single glass of wine makes me quite chatty (and often quite funny), when he came to pick me up, he (with my permission) videotaped the aftermath, while I was still happily doped up. It makes for some pretty amusing viewing, and it also provided us with one of our favorite private jokes, which is drunkenly slurring, “Thank you for taking such good caaaare of me, sweetheart!”.

[I apologize for the length of this video. I find it amusing enough to watch the whole way through, but if you don’t, the relevant moment is about 5 minutes in.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-BqL5OlXeo

We had often thought it before this video, but since then, we express it to each other a lot more often. Any time my husband calls to see if he can pick something up for me on his way home from work, or when he has dinner ready for me after a long day of visiting my mom at the hospital, or when I’m suffering from some residual morning sickness and he brings me a piece of toast or a cup of tea, I thank him for taking such good care of me. And when I bring our son to visit him at work, or I make his favorite dinner at the end of a long day of frustrating meetings, or I hold down the fort at home while he visits his daughter or takes a business trip, he thanks me for taking such good care of him.

And the best part is that we both love taking care of the other person just as much as we love being taken care of ourselves.

Photography by Kendrick Brinson and David Walter Banks of Our Labor of Love.

Chapman’s theory is that everyone has a distinct way of giving and receiving love, and those ways fall into five general categories: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each person feels loved when they receive love from their mate in the form of their own particular love language.

A woman whose primary love language is words of affirmation feels loved when her husband tells her she looks beautiful, or thanks her for all the work she does around the house, or tells her how proud he is of her promotion at work. A woman whose love language is quality time feels loved when her husband sits with her after dinner and they talk about their days for twenty minutes without being interrupted by the kids or the phone or the TV. A woman whose love language is receiving gifts feels loved when her husband comes back from a business trip with a little trinket for her, or brings home flowers for no particular occasion, or picks up her favorite kind of cookies when he’s grocery shopping. A woman whose love language is acts of service feels loved when her husband takes her car to get the oil changed, or mows the lawn without being reminded, or offers to take the kids to the park for the day to give her a break. A woman whose love language is physical touch feels loved when her husband puts his arm around his shoulders at a party, or takes her hand as they’re out shopping, or idly runs his fingers through her hair as he walks past her chair.

The difficulty comes when one partner expresses his love in a language that’s different from the other’s language. For example, a man whose love language is words of affirmation may tell his wife “I love you” all the time, notice every time she changes her hair, and compliment her several times a day to show his love, but if her love language is gifts of service, she may not recognize those acts as love, but instead think, “If he loved me, he’d take out the trash and wash the car once in a while!” The husband is showing his love to his wife, but she’s not seeing it, because she speaks another language. And when his wife complains that she doesn’t feel loved, he’s totally baffled because he’s showing her his love all the time!!

One of the ways to determine what love language your spouse speaks is to ask what you can do to make him or her happier. If your wife says she’d love it if you turned off the TV and just talked to her now and then, chances are her love language is quality time. If your husband says he’d love it if you’d be less critical and thank him when he helps around the house, chances are his love language is words of affirmation. Sometimes it’s even more obvious: if your wife lights up like a Christmas tree when you bring her home a bunch of flowers, you know she speaks “receiving gifts”.

My husband and I are very fortunate that we naturally speak the same love language: physical touch. I’d read the book and determined this already – it was pretty easy, based on the fact that we hold hands at parties, one of us has a hand on the other’s knee when we’re in the car, we kiss during the passing of the peace in church. But it was confirmed without a doubt one night when we had a spat, and he took his laptop out of the study where I was working on my computer and settled in at the kitchen table. A few hours later, when we’d both cooled off, he sent me an IM that said simply, “I love you.” I sent back the same message. But it wasn’t until I went upstairs and he wrapped me in his arms that I truly felt that everything between us was okay. The words hadn’t made me feel loved and reassured, the physical connection did.

It makes it much easier to express our love to each other because it comes naturally. But if my husband discovered that my language was receiving gifts, I have no doubt that he would teach himself to do things like picking a flower from the garden and leaving it on my desk, or getting my favorite flavor of ice cream when he goes to the store, or downloading a favorite book to my Kindle on the sly. And if I discovered his language was acts of service, I’d work harder to fold his laundry the way he likes it, and to collect the trash on trash day, and to make his favorite dishes for dinner more often.

There’s nothing wrong with offering love in a language that your partner doesn’t speak. In fact, it may make YOU feel more loving to show love in your own language But it’s even more important to show your partner love the way he or she understands it best. After all, isn’t showing that you understand your partner one of the best ways that anyone can show love?

My husband was discussing the upcoming movie, "Hall Pass", in which several men get permission from their wives to take a week off from their marriages. The person he was discussing it with wondered if most men really think that marriage turns them into henpecked prisoners who need a break from their relationship now and then. This was H's response: "For me and my friends, marriage is the opposite of constricting or limiting. It is fulfilling and uplifiting, empowering and engaging. I'm much happier as a married man than I was when I was single."

I may be a bit egotistical in taking that statement as a personal compliment, but I do take it as a compliment to both H and myself. We work hard to make each other happier people. Our relationship is mutually supportive in a way that does uplift and empower each one of us. We challenge and encourage each other to be better people. We rejoice in each other's joys and commiserate with each other's sorrows. We give each other the freedom to explore all aspects of our lives. We are sometimes the other's cheerleader and sometimes the other's coach. But we always want the best for each other.

And I'm glad that I can say, similar to my husband, I'm much happier as a married woman than I was when I was single. Being married to a man like that, how could I not be?

I got married at age 39, so my idea of the “ideal man” changed quite a bit through my single years. When I was in high school, I had crushes on the quiet, bookish types with nice smiles, and I was rather partial to redheads. When I got into college, I learned to appreciate men with a little more confidence and charisma, but I was still more interested in the introverts than the louder, outgoing guys I knew. (The jocks and party boys were so far down on the list they had their own list.) As for looks, I preferred dark hair and a somewhat slight build, and had a definite preference for casual, almost sloppy clothes and jeans. When I reached adulthood, I had less interest in any particular physical type (other than "must have great hair"), but I continued my preference for quiet introverts in jeans and sweatshirts. (Which may explain why I didn’t get married until I was almost 40. How can an introvert meet another introvert when we’re all sitting at home reading “War and Peace”?)

But somehow, I found my perfect match in a tall, solidly-built, impeccably-dressed, balding blond who is one of the most outgoing people I have ever met, almost never wears jeans, and is a jock and a frat boy to boot. Never at any stage of my life would I have described my perfect man as the man I married. And yet, he is perfect for me in every way. His extroversion brings me out of my shell, and my introversion tones down his sometimes intimidating boisterousness a bit. His penchant for dressing up has brightened up my sometimes sloppy and careless wardrobe, and my casual nature has taught him it’s okay to wear a wrinkled shirt sometimes. His athletic nature pushes me to keep in shape, and my lack of athletic stamina reminds him to stop and enjoy the view for a bit instead of merely charging to the top of the mountain.

Looking back at the men I would have chosen for myself years ago, I shudder to think of what those marriages would have been like. And I’m thrilled that I went out on a limb and let myself love someone so unexpected. I’m not sure how I fit in to my husband’s image of the perfect woman (I’m certainly VERY different from his ex-wife), but I suspect I’m not exactly what he pictured for himself, either. And I’m pretty sure he’s just as happy with the unexpected as I am.

Hm, that probably wasn't the romantic picture you expected. It's a lot more fun than what you expected, though, isn't it?

I can never remember the details of our fights.

I don’t recall exactly how this one in particular started, or what was said or not said. But I do know our words were like weapons slicing deep into each other’s hearts. Our reactions full of fiery selfishness. And our expressions were loaded with everything but love. This is marriage at its ugliest- two immature, selfish, conceited, and sinful people trying to put someone else first.

Did I mention this was Valentine’s Day morning!

We should have been snuggling up under our duvet cover, playing footsie, and whispering “I love you” into each other’s ears like every other happily married couple.  But instead we were throwing insults, giving silent treatment, and inflicting wounds. Romantic, right?!

I am not sure how we got to that point, but we had spiraling downhill since the night before. We were in a dangerous cycle of unforgiveness. It was something along the lines of, if he won’t show me love…FINE! I won’t give him any respect. 

That night we went to bed still trying to mend our fragile hearts. I thought we had pushed through our little argument. But instead of waking up to a heart-shaped box full of chocolates, I awoke with a heavy heart. There were no kisses or flowers exchanged between us on Valentine’s morning.

Our fighting continued to quietly escalate. I treated him like dirt instead of my dear husband, and he found it extremely difficult to even show me he cared me {I don’t blame him!}. The residue from our selfishness was glaringly obvious as I walked out the door to my office… in silence.

During those few hours I was away at the office, I had time to think about my actions, like a two-year old in time-out for throwing a temper tantrum. Stomping feet, slammed doors, and immature sobs, yes…I had done it all in the last 24 hours. I was gaining perspective and so was he…

While doing some work at the office I received a message,

“I miss and love you Charissie. Wish we could start this day over. Can’t wait 4 u 2 b home:)”

His words were my thoughts exactly. He successfully mended the rest of my hurting heart. He still missed me. He still loved me. And I felt the same.  This is marriage at its finest- two immature, selfish, conceited, and sinful people trying to put someone else first.

Marriage makes everyday Valentine’s Day- it’s about falling in love over and over again with the same person. This love is always attempting to turn selfish desires into selfless pursuit.

This Valentine’s Day I got the most romantic gift in the whole world…

Forgiveness.

Or in the words of my husband, “Can we start this day over?”

Six little words that speak more love than red roses, the finest chocolate, and the most elegant candlelit dinner!

I've heard all the arguments, pro and con, for celebrating or boycotting certain holidays....Valentine's Day in particular.

He said......"Hallmark isn't going to tell when I need to tell my wife I love her! It's just another marketing scheme for big companies."

She said....."I'm always disappointed so I act like it's no big deal....but I really do feel let down when the day comes and goes and nothing is said or done."

Please forgive the apparent slam again the guy but statistically speaking (yep...there are statistics) men simply tolerate Valentine's Day. One quote said "We feel like it is designed to make men feel like inadequate insensitive failures."

According to another source.... "For men, Valentine's Day is the antithesis of what it means to be romantic," Armstrong says. "Romance for them is all about a spontaneous expression of emotion, of caring, of devotion and creativity." He says he shows his love for his wife all year, "as I go through the days and I appreciate something she did or just to surprise her," he says. "The problem with Valentine's Day is there is no surprise."

Hey - that would be fabulous....if it were always true and consistent. And some do follow through with this plan. My granddad is a prime example - he surprises my grandmother with a rose he and cuts from his own garden through the blooming season. He has said to her many times...."I thought this rose was so beautiful...until I saw you." **Melt my heart*

But we get busy....life gets cluttered with responsibility and the best of intentions, more often than not, get pushed aside until some day.

If it's important to either of you....it's important to both of you - whether you know it or not. And 'faking it' (in anything) has never resulted in long-lasting happiness! In fact, the results are most often the opposite - resentment builds, hearts break a little more over time and suddenly...you don't care one way or the other. Really....no one cares!

If you saw the movie "The Break-up" with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anniston you certainly remember the line she said to him...."I want you to WANT to do the dishes" to which he replies "Why would I WANT to do the dishes?" The point is that these characters get consumed with trying to prove themselves right by proving the other wrong.

One review about the movie said "The Break-Up contains a lot of truths about men and women. It knows that many guys revert to "frat boy" mode as a way of healing from a broken heart. It knows that women want men to intuit things that they often aren't capable of getting without road signs and a map."

While that is a generic statement about men and women the fact is, both of us, often times, want the other to intuit our wants and needs!!

STOP IT!!

Tell each other what's important! Spell it out! Share examples of things you've done for him that were either out of respect for something he loved to do or a tradition that is important to him that you celebrated with him out of love FOR him. Sometimes he really just needs to hear WHY you love things you love - and why you want him to care.

And so while surprises are fun there is also so much joy in the anticipated event....comfort in tradition and cause for celebration during those calendar holidays.

Tell each other what's in your heart and trust me.....you'll both win!

HAPPY

"Great Relationships Begin Within"

How responsible communication can lead to a great Valentine's Day!

Rob, 35 Huntington Beach, CA, asked Maryanne:

Last year my wife flipped out when I bought her lingerie for Valentine's Day. The truth is, I still don't know why. She just got angry and said "Isn't it obvious?" and that was it. Any advice on what I get her this year that won't set her off (and that we both can enjoy), which is what I thought the point of Valentine's Day was?

Maryanne's reply:

Hi Rob, thanks for your question.  And it's a great question, too, because I know a lot of guys would have blown it off and just guessed again this year, and as you've probably figured out, that's not a great solution if your track record with guessing is less than stellar.  Unless of course you just enjoy sexual frustration.

So, in terms of a gift... it's less about "buying the right thing" and more about getting some clarity on what she expects from Valentine's Day in terms of general atmosphere and activities, and also what you expect. Because it's likely that her reaction last year was not so much about the gift in particular, but rather was a symptom of something else going on. Now that she's had a year to feel resentful about whatever it was, it is more important than ever to get clear on what each of your expectations are.

But how does one begin such a difficult conversation? Starting a simple and loving way, telling her that you realize last year was a little rough, and you were hoping to talk about what you could both do together to make this year really special. One of two things will happen:  either she'll give you a straightforward answer and open up a conversation strictly about possibilities for Valentine's activities this year, or you might get a chance to listen to the real reasons behind why she was upset last year. This is a great foundation from which to talk about what Valentine's Day means to both of you.

It's important, however, to make sure the conversation stays on course. You don't want to start playing the blame game or devolve into finger-pointing; here are some tips to help you engage in an effective, constructive, and mature conversation.

Start by agreeing on what you're talking about: "I would like to talk about how we can make Valentine's Day special."

Don't ruin things with bad timing: When you say, "I want to talk," most women will want to talk right now. Keeping that in mind, it's probably not a great idea to approach the subject when she's agitated about something, in a hurry, or in the middle of doing something else.

Set up ground rules: Maybe you could agree to each have 3 to 5 minutes to speak, uninterrupted, about whatever you would like (this Valentine's Day, last Valentine's Day, or whatever you want). Make sure you are careful to focus on your feelings rather than your perceptions of what the other person did wrong. For example, "I felt confused when you got angry" is much more constructive phrasing than "you always get angry for no reason."

Recap what you heard: It's important to take turns and repeat what the other person said, so that you are each sure your message is getting through.

Talk honestly about the ideal situation: Take another 3 to 5 minutes each describing what an ideal Valentine's Day would be like if you could have everything exactly how you wanted it.

Negotiate for each other: It might go like this: she might say, "how about we go see a movie, then we'll come home and I'll make you dinner, and maybe I'll give you a massage?" Then he might say, "Why don't I take you out to dinner before the movie, then afterward we can come home and give each other massages?"

Connecting with and listening to each other is a delicate art. Each of us is subject to changing moods and changing desires, and often we expect the other person to read our mind. When you hear what each other is saying, often you find you're looking for the same thing: to spend time together and be happy around one another. There may be some compromise involved, but remember that the true meaning of Valentine's Day is that love is kind, responsible, and above all, respectful.

Did you ever read a book that someone said you've just GOT to read and when you did you found yourself saying......."I don't get it". Maybe you weren't in a place in your life that the words of the book 'spoke' to you but one day you found yourself needing that very book. Something you read the first time was filed away in your brain waiting for the day you needed it. You pick up that book, dust it off, read it again and it's as if those words were written just for you.

I've recently read, what I believe, is just that type of book. "Magical Sex, Extraordinary Love" is a book that, in my opinion, is written in a language that speaks to the couple that is a bit more experienced in their relationship but looking to take it to a deeper level. However, make no mistake.....it would greatly benefit newlyweds in a way they might not totally understand at first read but the seed-thought will have been planted. As we grow in our individuality and our marriage relationship our awareness expands as does our desire for deeper meaning, deeper connectivity in mind and body...magical sex, extraordinary love.

In an everyday example I equate it to being a child who is content with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch (or for some kids, even breakfast and dinner!). But as we mature our taste buds mature and we crave foods that go beyond sustenance ....we want to experience the richness of delicacies like Châteaubriand, crème brulee and sparkling champagne. The old PB & J every day just doesn't do the trick any more!

One of the primary focuses of the book teaches the meaning of 'relationship polarity'. WOW! And as Dr. Knight (Theresa) says....'what a difference a chromosome makes!'

"Magical Sex, Extraordinary Love....A Journey for Men and Women", written by Dr. Theresa J. Knight and her husband, L. Challis Jensen explores the 'conscious relationship' - "a relationship that continues by choice, not out of duty....where both partners have taken the time to think about their purpose for being together, and are clear about what they want and what they are willing to give." Most married couples discover that the relationship they agreed to on their wedding day is not the one they are in now and for many it comes as a complete shock. But, why? Every person changes throughout their lives and "intimate relationships are a dance in which the tempo and steps are forever changing." If you know this in the beginning then you welcome those changes!

I invite you to welcome the change and explore the depths of a conscious relationship by reading "Magical Sex, Extraordinary Love".

Let me backtrack a bit to say that my sister and I never had the "usual" childhood pets of cats and dogs, mainly because of her allergies. We did have the usual assortment of smaller animals, like goldfish and hamsters and guinea pigs and bunnies. So as adults, she and I both naturally gravitated to the kind of pets we'd had as children, and we both kept bunnies as pets. However, we both developed allergies and when our pet bunnies went to the great rabbit hutch in the sky, we each remained petless.

Until she discovered the joys of pet rats. Yes, I said rats. You city dwellers are no doubt picturing nasty, filthy, mean sewer rats the size of small dogs. But rats bred to be pets are gentle, affectionate, and sweet-natured. But her rats (she always had pairs, so they would keep each other company) were some of the nicest pets I've ever known. They loved to play with toys (toilet paper tubes, stuffed animals, scraps of old blankets), climb onto someone's shoulder and nuzzle their ear, and just generally run around and be entertaining. They made wonderful pets.

When she met her husband-to-be, she was "in between" rats. And since he was not at all fond of the idea of having a rat live in their house on purpose, she didn't get another pair after they got married. But here's where the True Love comes in: when he found out he would be away for two weeks and was afraid she'd be lonely, he bought her a pair of pet rats. He might not have actually touched them, but he did buy them. And a fancy rat condo for them to live in. And if you knew my brother-in-law, you would know just how much devotion that proves.

Sometimes, true love means dealing with a rat or two.

Seriously, how is that for the best compliment ever? All that, PLUS a side of awesome sauce. Simply "all that" is pretty good, but throw in the awesome sauce and we're talking off-the-scale awesomeness.

So when was the last time you gave your husband a crazy, over-the-top compliment like that? Not just to be over the top, but because he really deserved it?

I'm issuing a challenge to all the brides and soon-to-be-brides on this site to give your husband a completely sincere but also unique and over-the-top compliment this week. It could be about how handsome he is, or how sweet he is, or how helpful he is, or how smart he is. But come up with some way to tell him that he's all that, plus a side of awesome sauce.

And then come back here and tell us!

To my shock the author of the book boldly declared,

“Make sure to plan sex…”

This little one-liner was devastating when I first read it- Put sex in the schedule… are you serious? I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. My heart fluttered just thinking about the marriage night and the romance we would share in for the rest of our lives together. But in just a few words my paradise was popped! Now they, the supposed experts, were telling me I had to plan sex like it was a dentist appointment!

Was this guy crazy? I thought of all possible explanations. Maybe his life was really crammed full? Maybe His marriage was suffering? Maybe sex wasn’t really his thing? Or maybe he might just be one of those freaky planner people like myself?

Nevertheless, his alarming statement still caused my blissful state of dreaming to come to a halt. Up until that point, I had thought sex was a spontaneous expression of marital love and commitment. But now he was making it sound more like duty than desire.

At the moment, I thought he was in the wrong, not me the newly engaged woman. I knew marriage took work, but at the time I did not know that even the fun stuff in marriage, like sex, would be a chore too! What a way to spoil my pre-wedding bliss!

Fast forward a year and a half and I not only kind of agree with the author but I wholeheartedly agree his outrageous statement - plan sex! Thankfully I am not on cloud nine anymore. I’ve realized that life happens and it happens fast. Before you know it, Monday is already here again. Even without me having a full time job and despite having any children, sex can still easily become very low on the priority list. If you don’t at least plan it a few hours or days in advance, us as women especially, will wear ourselves out during the course of a day and come “play time” we are pooped!

But I encourage you not to think of planning sex like any other appointments you normally make. How sad if sex becomes something clinical and sterile. Rather than making sex formal, planning actually makes it more fun! As the day goes by your excitement only builds!

I know it may sound strange to hear, as it did to me a couple years ago, but I encourage you newly married women to get in the habit of planning some steamy love sessions with your hubby! And if you are far from your honeymoon night… that’s great! It means you have more time to put this into practice {and I don’t mean practicing sex!} but in making “you-me” time deliberate instead of leaving it to just a coincidence.

Not that you will have to plan sex all the time, but let’s be honest, we organize vacations, we arrange for parties, and we think about our weekends, why not put some of that planning expertise into making time for our best friend.

What do you think?

From my heart to yours,

Charissa

For example, last night we were taking down our Christmas tree (I know, I know, but it was a really awesome tree and we hated to see it go), and we had lovely classical music playing on the stereo, and H had a snifter of cognac, because we always have elegant cocktails while we decorate or undecorate for Christmas. Since I am several months pregnant, I was lamenting that there are no good non-alcoholic equivalents of my usual winter tipples, a brandy Alexander or a white Russian, and before I could even blink, I heard H rummaging around in the kitchen and the pantry. A few minutes (and a whirr of the blender) later, he came back into the living room bearing a frosty martini glass drizzled artistically with chocolate syrup and filled with a frothy frozen concoction.

This isn’t the first time he’s broken out his inner mixologist for me, either to create a virgin drink or to design some interesting new cocktail when I was bored with my usuals. For a man with an extremely practical and analytical mind, he is amazingly creative in the kitchen and in the bar. So as I was sipping my luscious mocktail, I thought to myself, “You know, he ought to teach a class to fathers-to-be about how to create new taste treats for pregnant wives on restricted diets.”

I think one of the not-so-secret secrets to the success of our marriage is that we are blatantly and unashamedly each other’s biggest fan. We even sign notes to each other, “YFCP”, which stands for “your fan club president”. So I never hesitate to tell H (or anyone else in the room) how fabulous I think he is. I never hesitate to tell him that he’s so good at something that he should teach a class to other people. And he never hesitates to tell me that he thinks I’m pretty great, either at some particular thing or just on general principles.

So when was the last time you told your sweetie that he’s so awesome he could teach a class? If it’s been a while, start looking for an excuse to tell him so – I bet it won’t take you very long to find something.

As we snuggled up together after a full day of work, activities, friends, and not to mention a fresh cup of jet lag, my husband and I seemed to melt into each other's arms. We cherished the moment. Even though we were alone in bed, we whispered. We giggled. We embraced.

For the first time in our newly married life, we turned our weariness into a time of loveliness. Without going into too many juicy details, let's just say pushing through tiredness was definitely worth it. We could have thrown out every excuse we had and succumbed to slumber, but instead we allowed deeper feelings of desire to rule that evening.

If I could describe it a different way it was like we allowed ourselves to dig into dessert, and we weren't shy about asking for whip cream and sprinkles on top! Let's face it...after a satisfying meal we rarely have any extra room to spare for the last course- the dessert. Apple pie. Brownie and ice cream. Warm chocolate chip cookies.  They beckon us to taste, nibble, eat. Although we may deny our craving at first, sooner or later we give in and devour the goodness!  We may have been full, but sweet treats feel like they take up a different part of our stomach. A meal just doesn't seem complete without dessert.

In married life it's easy to eat the meal and forget about dessert. We are shy about asking for more from each other, and settle for just the necessities of the relationship. We think we are filled at the end of the day...Maybe you've simply had enough of each other or even spent the whole day in one another's presence and you just need space. Although there is definitely time for that...

I want to propose that marriage is full of whip cream and sprinkle moments.

Times when you whisk each other away, connect on a heart level, grab some quiet space, and just stop. Delighting in and savoring the sweetness of your spouse is necessary to a marriage. Without it you both will never be entirely satisfied. Meals taste even better when you know a brownie is waiting for you. Although it can't be the main course...

     dessert does stir up desire and expectancy!

So what are the whip cream and sprinkles in your marriage?

Are you taking time to cook up something sweet for your soul mate?  

Think of some mouth-watering moments you and your hubby can start sharing together!

Why is it that anticipating an event is often so much more fun than remembering it after it’s gone by? After all, the anticipation is only hope and imagination, but memories are real and actual. And yet, most of us get much more pleasure leading into a celebration than coming out of it.

Weddings are no exception to this rule. You’ve spent months, even a year or more planning this one perfect day – that really only lasts for a few hours. You’ve spent hours picturing each facet of the event: the church, the reception hall, your gown, your bridesmaids’ dresses, your groom, your flowers. You planned your menu, you choreographed your first dance, you tried on what feels like a hundred dresses before finding the perfect one. You’ve thought about this day every waking moment for months. And then – poof! It’s over, and there’s nothing left but some scattered rose petals, a handful of birdseed, a stack of empty champagne flutes, and a bedraggled cake topper. Is that really all there is? You’ve got the post-wedding blues.

So how do you fight those blues? How do you get back a little of the excitement and anticipation you had in the days leading up to your wedding? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Sad that you’ll never wear your beautiful wedding gown again? Find a way to give it new life. There are many charities that will give your gown a good home – for example, Brides Against Breast Cancer (http://www.bridesagainstbreastcancer.org/) resells donated gowns with the proceeds benefitting the Making Memories Breast Cancer Foundation. Not willing to give your gown up for good? Maybe you have a cousin or a friend who’s getting married soon and absolutely drooled over your gown. You may be able to lend it (or your veil, or your headpiece, or your shoes) to a fellow bride as her “something borrowed”.

2. Disappointed that you can’t keep your wedding flowers? But you can! Ask one of your bridesmaids to take your bouquet (or one of the bridesmaids’ bouquets) and hang it upside down to dry while you’re off on your honeymoon. Even if the flowers are fragile and the blossoms fall apart, break apart the petals, put them into a clear glass globe and tie a circle of tulle over the top to make a lovely potpourri dish. You can even use the ribbon from your bouquet. Every time you see that dish, you’ll be reminded of your perfect wedding day. Another great idea for saving your flowers is to have them made into a piece of jewelry: check out the Facebook page for "Embraced Jewelry".

3. Feel like your wedding ceremony flew by so fast that you missed it? If you made a wedding video, WATCH IT! Watch it with your groom and tell him what exactly you were thinking when you made that little smirk. Ask what his best man whispered in his ear just before you made your grand entrance. Stop and take a close look at the expression on his face when you appeared at the end of the aisle – and then take a look at the expression on YOUR face. Got some video of the reception? Get a big bowl of popcorn and watch it all. You probably had no idea that Aunt Sophie and Uncle Alvin did the Cha-Cha Slide alongside the teenagers, or that cousin Clyde hit on one of your married bridesmaids – but it’s all caught on tape, so enjoy those moments that you may have missed.

4. Let down that you’ll never get to plan such a fabulous event ever again? Just keep in mind that everyone has significant anniversaries. You can start planning now for your 10^th anniversary party, or your parents’ 40^th anniversary party, or your grandparents’ 60^th anniversary. Or offer your advice to a friend who’s planning her own wedding – be sure not to take over, but I think every bride learns a few tricks during the process that they can pass along to fellow brides.

In the end, the best way to lose the post-wedding blues is to look at that wonderful man you married and remind yourself that you get to be with him for the rest of your life. If that thought doesn’t drive the blues away, nothing will!

The New Year has begun so now is a great time to......

          1. Wipe the slate clean.
          2. Focus upon what you really want.
          3. Chart your course.

Right?

Well... only if you want to risk having to repeat these steps for the same wishes next year! Maybe this is splitting hairs, but here's an adventurous alternative:

1. Give thanks that life is... just as it is (and that it's been... just as it's been). Because of it, you're now "READY."

2. Define what you want in terms of the end result. Don't worry about the hows, or even the course. KNOW that what you want is ALREADY yours in spirit, by divine LAW, just focus on the certainty of this ownership, understand it, claim it, and "it will be on earth, as it is in heaven (spirit)."

3. LET THE UNIVERSE show you the way via your impulses and instincts that appear as you take inspired action. Don't worry that your first steps seem silly or futile. And if you don't know what to do, do anything! Go! Get busy! Do not insist on intermediary successes, only upon the end result.

These thoughts are from a great inspirational site called Tut.com.

What does the old saying "all's fair in love and war" mean? The most succinct definition I came across simply states: "People in love and soldiers in wartime are not bound by the rules of fair play." And how do people in love and soldiers at war get thrown onto the same proverbial battle field?

What are we fighting about?

Google "the art of the argument" and you will find 37,600,000 different references to that exact subject. Seems there's quite a bit of bickering going on!

Google "long lasting marriage". Want to take a guess on how many references there are on that subject? I'll tell you exactly how many.....1,670,000.

Do the math. No, skip the math and let's think about why people are writing and searching for ways to argue more efficiently 37 times more often than how to create a long lasting marriage?

In an article I recently came across called "How to Love Better" the first 7 steps addressed the subject of communication. **Note that 4 of the 7 focused on 'arguing'. Actually you could say 5 out of 7 is you include step #3...Tough It Out.**

1. Listen. Show your partner that you're engaged by actively listening. Reaffirm what your partner is saying by summarizing what you have heard.
2. Talk. One way conversation is not effective communication. In order to show that you are invested in the relationship, be willing to give of yourself emotionally and mentally, by sharing your thoughts and needs.
3. Tough it out. During uncomfortable or difficult conversations, tough it out. Regardless of the topic or how much you hate talking about it, finish the discussion. If the problem is not resolved, it will fester in other areas of your relationship.
4. Argue Effectively. Two intelligent individuals cannot agree on everything, all the time, no matter how compatible they may be. Sooner or later there will be something that leads to an argument or a difference of opinion. This should not be viewed as a problem. The important thing is how such arguments are handled. Here are a few rules that will help you to deal with arguments in a positive way.
5. Keep your arguments private, between you and your partner only. Avoid having arguments in front of family members or friends.
6. Never go to bed angry. Settle every argument before going to sleep if at all possible. Stay up late if necessary. It is best to get things settled and not let them fester for days.
7. Do not allow arguments to escalate into shouting matches and name-calling. Even if you are in complete privacy, keep the tone natural and as friendly as possible. Consider who you are talking to and avoid any shouting or unpleasantness.

But does a 'long lasting marriage' equal a fulfilled marriage? I know several couples who have crossed the 40 year anniversary mark (a long lasting marriage in anyone's book today!) but to say they are role models for a fulfilled relationship would be a real stretch. In fact, many of them seem to just be coexisting and basically 'toughing it out'. Not my idea of happy or fulfilled.

So I decided to Google 'how to have a fulfilling marriage'. Good news - seems this subject is almost twice as popular as 'long lasting marriage'....

2,520,000 results. A huge relief, right?

Well, that still puts arguing at least 15 times more popular than fulfilling. Perhaps it's because this 'art' of arguing covers all types of relationships....work, political, societal, etc. So, to be fair, I went back to Google and searched "the art of arguing in marriage".

HALLELUJAH - only 16,500,000 results! Are you reading that number right? Sixteen MILLION!!

As we move ever so close to the end of 2010 many of us will begin the infamous "New Year's Resolutions". What if we resolved to shift our focus from HOW to argue amicably to how to love more deeply?

I have a sign hanging in my bathroom that says "it's not what you look at....it's what you see". Can you still see the beautiful person you fell so deeply in love with or are you too busy figuring out how to win an argument?

But this story has a happy ending. I also Googled "the art of love".  349,000,000 results. Maybe all isn't fair in love and war but in the end.....love wins!!

One lucky winner will receive a coupon from Picaboo for a free 20 page Classic photo book, valued at up to $39.99.

♥Winner will be drawn on Friday and announced on Saturday to ensure you have time to get your order in ASAP!♥

This coupon covers one of three different book style:

Classic Custom hardcover books add a "wow" factor and a professional touch to your book with a completely customized cover that really makes an impact.  Create a one-of-a-kind cover featuring the layout, background, images, and text of your choice on the front cover, back cover and spine.

Our Classic Leather books have a rich, smooth finish and formal, timeless design that speaks to their lasting quality. These covers are easier to care for than the Classic Linen, which can show fingerprints and other markings more easily.

Our Croc-embossed leather books feature our classic design and durable bonded leather with a stylish embossed finish.  Less formal and more "fun", croc-embossed leather can jazz up any photo book. (No - it's not real crocodile skin! The croc design is embossed on our standard Classic bonded leather).

Our Classic Linen books feature a traditional photo book design with a die cut window on the front cover, allowing your image and caption from the first page to show through the cover when the book is closed.

Creating photo books with Picaboo is easy and fun. Photo books can be fully customized by dragging-and-dropping photos and captions anywhere on your pages, and our software allows you creative control so you can make each special page look just the way you want it to.

Promotion details:

This coupon is good for one 20 page Classic photo book in any style. It does not cover additional pages over 20 or applicable shipping costs. The coupon will expire on 12/30/10.

**In order for your book to be delivered before Christmas the winner must submit remit this coupon BEFORE DECEMBER 14th.**

How to win:

♥ Leave a comment! - One entry

♥ Share this post on any other site (Facebook, Twitter, your own blog, etc) and include the LINK in your comment.  - Second Entry

Wishpot, a free online wishlist, wedding and baby registry is making your wishes come true!

Our friends over at Wishpot are partnering with Stockn’Go to announce the launch of their site – a one-stop shop for your favorite brand-name health, beauty and household products, and since we are in the season of giving, they’re celebrating by hosting a super fab giveaway!

Enter and you could win a gift basket filled with over $250 worth of brand name beauty products!

Here’s the details on how to enter to win:

Tweet: All you do is follow @Stockngo and tell them what your favorite thing is about Stockn’Go with #SNGlaunch in your answer post, super easy right?

OR

Post:  Share your favorite thing about Stockn’Go on their Facebook wall.

Gain an additional entry every time you share this contest on FB or Twitter:

• RT the contest link (www.stockngo.com/beauty-basket) with #SNGlaunch
• Include @StocknGo in a post on Facebook

For more information about this contest, please check out the Wishpot blog. The giveaway ends Dec 8, 2010!

One of the biggest surprises about Christmas that I discovered as a newlywed was how completely differently H and I do our Christmas shopping. First of all, I rarely if ever shop on line. I like to look at what I’m buying, feel it in my hands, evaluate its quality in person before I turn over my cold, hard cash. Also, being a frugal Yankee, it kills me to pay shipping for something that I could buy down the street. But H does as much of his shopping on line as he can, and nearly every day in December that first year some fat envelope or box with the distinctive Amazon.com logo appeared on our doorstep. (I was warned in no uncertain terms that I was not to open, shake, or sniff any of those packages. No peeking!!)

But H does occasionally deign to darken the doors of an actual store. So we did a few shopping runs together. His plan on shopping is usually: Go to store X, purchase item Y; if not in stock, go to store Z, purchase item Y. My plan is usually: Store X is having good sales, I'll wander around until I see something that would be a good present for person Y; if I don’t find anything I might get something for person Z instead. His shopping plan drove me a little bit crazy, and my shopping plan drove him a little bit crazy. But we managed to both be patient with each other, and in the end we got all the presents we needed without major bloodshed.

That wasn’t the end of the Christmas surprises, though. I had bought H one large present and several smaller presents, since that’s the way my family always did it. And his Christmas stocking was my piece de resistance, overflowing with elegant toiletries, whimsical desk toys, satin boxers, fancy candies, and various stationery supplies. The Christmas stocking was always my favorite part of Christmas, and I looked forward to opening it even more than any of my other gifts. So I will admit that I was a bit disappointed when my stocking contained a handful of candy, a pad or two of post-it notes, a tube of chapstick, and a small bottle of moisturizer. Where was the new toothbrush? The packs of gum? The crossword puzzle book? The new wall calendar? The funny socks? The pretty underwear? The desk toys? Weren’t those all things that were supposed to be in a Christmas stocking? But I hid my disappointment, and I soon forgot all about it as H kept bringing me generous gift after generous gift. We alternated opening gifts and he was done long before I was, leaving me a bit embarrassed. I had given him a new coffeemaker, plus a nice dress shirt or two and a new leather belt, but he had given me a cashmere sweater, a leather wallet, sheepskin slippers, some elegant lingerie, a large bottle of very expensive perfume, a pair of boots, and on and on and on.

But now that we’ve been married for a few years, I have the drill down. I know I don’t need to sweat making sure his stocking is full to overflowing, and I have a better idea of how many gifts to buy for him. I know what to expect when we go shopping together, and I know how to change my own shopping habits to make our shared shopping outings a more pleasant experience for both of us. But most of all, I know that I love waking up next to him on Christmas morning, I love watching him open gifts from me, and I love watching him watching me opening gifts from him. Time spent together on Christmas morning is the best Christmas present of all.

As many of you may have seen (or even participated in) people were changing their profile pictures to their favorite cartoon characters from their childhood to bring awareness of Child Abuse. Seems like a good thing, right? Football players wear pink shoes to bring awareness of Breast Cancer. People wearing blue to bring awareness of Diabetes....purple shirts for Gay and Lesbian rights....and the list goes on.

But does this truly make a difference?

I've read comments from both side:

"The changing of the pics may not stop child abuse but it does increase awareness and awareness increases action and action produces results. It's better than doing nothing...."

"No... it's NOT better than doing nothing and in fact can sometimes be worse for an issue like this because it does NOTHING for the kids who are being abused other than essentially mock them... look at it from their view "gosh, thanks for changing your profile picture. It made these bruises feel much better. Next time, how about picking up a phone and calling the cops."

The challenge seems (to me, at least) that once the pictures from this campaign are gone how will we act on our newly proclaimed awareness? And what will the next cause be and how will we collectively rise up?

What about the thousands of men and woman who cry alone at night because their marriage is falling apart....or the thousands and thousands of children who know that this Christmas the family portrait will be missing someone they love so much.

What icon can we post on our profile picture to bring awareness to the disease of loneliness or a broken heart?

What if we each started a campaign of one?

One person who shares one word of kindness.

One woman who shares her heart and love with one man?

One child who feels one hug.

One decision to not let one day be lost on anger, pride, selfishness, judgment or opportunity to love.

One dollar given to one charity.

One decision to forgive, share, resolve....take action.

Collectively we change the world but it starts with one...one person, one thought, one step.

Be the change you want to see in the world ~ Ghandi

source

Opposites attract, and often marry. A dynamic, healthy relationship should allow partners to be complimentary pieces to each other, each with their own tastes and interests along with some shared ones to add some excitement to a relationship. No one wants to marry someone exactly like them -- that would just be boring.

That said, couples with differing world views may not know how to deal with one another and respect each others' opinions. Politics, religion, stances on social issues, any hot button topic really can be a point of contention, one that can drive a stake in your relationship, and even help end it. There have been some successful high profile marriages between people with polar opposite viewpoints, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger a devout conservative, and Maria Shriver, a sworn liberal born into one of the most prominent left-leaning families in the country, the Kennedy's. So how do they make it work?

Like most things in any healthy relationship, it all comes down to respect. These differences should come as no surprise to each other after tying the knot; like finances or plans for having children, it should be discussed at length before making it official.

To respect a differing viewpoint, you must first understand it.

Know where your partner is coming from on an issue, and see the rational points of their argument. To make it perfectly clear: you don't have to agree with it to understand it. Just show the respect needed to get what they're saying.

After understanding each others' view points, you must agree to disagree, and to disagree amicably and with complete respect for each other. You must not ridicule each others' stances, though a little jab here or there is great for taking some of the seriousness out of it. And absolutely do not try to change a partner's ideas toward an issue. People hate trying to be converted on a viewpoint, and your loved one will appreciate it even less -- and eventually, you will too after all the strife it has caused. Part of respecting a disparate idea is not to try to change it. Additionally, don't try to be sneaky about your attempts to change your partner's views. Making snide remarks about budgeting based on fiscal convictions will only be hurtful.

Ideological differences can manifest themselves in ways you would not have originally expected. It can cause arguments over what charities you donate to, what friends you keep, or even where you live and in what style household.

But what is most important is to find your common ground. Figure out what issues you do agree on, and go from there. Love should triumph over political or other differences. You don't have to think alike, nor should you -- that would just make for a boring relationship. Respect each other on issues you don't agree on, and embrace each other when you finally do find something you can both support.


 

Giving out of our abundance is simple. It's easy to be generous when we want to be.

But giving when it requires something causes us to shiver and shake. Suddenly, we get stingy with our stuff, picky about pennies, and tight with our time.

However, the adventure of giving begins when we realize it is a diligent lifestyle not an emotional moment. Could it be that our giving is only genuine when it requires a sacrifice on our part?

We don't need to look any further than marriage to prove this point...

If we hold on to our momentary acts of giving, marriage will remain a surface -level, selfish commitment. 

It's painless to clean the house and cook the meals when my husband recognizes and appreciates me. But what about when he's busy and tired from his job and forgets to mention how grateful he is?

It's a piece of cake to give my husband the time and attention he needs when he brings me flowers, makes me dinner, and rubs my feet.

It's pleasing to be with him we are doing what I like to do.

The problem with painless, pleasing, and piece of cake kind of giving is it's only one-sided. Our egos parade around in a mask of generosity. It teaches us nothing about real love- The lasting, unconditional, selfless kind of love. This love finds itself rooted in another person, instead of in a prideful heart.

Believe it or not we were created for this deep love. A love made visible only from a heart of generosity. "Altruism, self-sacrifice, makes people happy. It also makes them loved. In order to be loved, you must first love. Love is not about you or what you want, it's about giving love without conditions to somebody healthy and kind enough to do the same." Dr. Laura, in The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage

Before we got married, a mentor of ours told my husband and me, "Marriage is not about each person giving 50/50, but each person giving 100%!"

Sometimes we spend too much time calculating the costs of giving, when we should just be giving the best of who we are to another person regardless of the price.Giving may never seem fair to us, but one thing is for sure- it's always fruitful.

The book I was reading on marriage ends with this final statement, "GIVE,GIVE, and GIVE some more- of your best self."

This kind of giving is real. It yields genuine love, life, and joy...not to mention an extremely satisfying marriage.

So back to the first question, when do we stop giving? 

Never ;)

Are you giving out of delight or out of duty in your marriage?

What is making it difficult for you to live generously?

I’m thankful that all my basic needs are met. I’m thankful that I have a comfortable home, a full pantry, a reliable car, warm clothes, and the option to stay at home with my son instead of having to work full time. I’m thankful that my family has enough to share with others. I’m thankful that every once in a while I have the luxury of splurging on a nice dinner out with my sweetheart, or buying that pair of shoes that I don’t exactly need but just have to have, or getting the good brand of salad dressing or toilet paper or breakfast cereal instead of the lousy generic kind.

I’m thankful that I have an extended family that loves me and supports me. I’m thankful that I have a host of family members I can call on to babysit in a pinch. I’m thankful that I never have to dread an outbreak of family drama during the holidays. I’m thankful that my family-by-birth and my family-by-marriage enjoy each other’s company. I’m thankful that the pain of the recent and untimely death of my brother-in-law is slowly but surely being replaced with the joy of memories of the short time I knew him.

I’m thankful for my beautiful son, who reminds me every day that life is precious and awe-inspiring and miraculous and wonderful. I’m thankful for his inquisitiveness, his sunny disposition, his affectionate nature, and his cute dimples. I’m thankful that he gets his looks from his father and his temperament from me – not that my looks or Daddy’s temperament would be a bad thing, but I’m thankful that he is a perfect mix and me and H.

I’m thankful that I have a husband who loves me despite my flaws. I’m thankful that he is patient, thoughtful, generous, compassionate, romantic, kind, and forgiving. I’m thankful that he is a loyal husband, a generous provider, a wonderful father, a devoted son, and a caring brother. I’m thankful that he inspires me to find more of all those qualities in myself.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

If you’ve ever seen the musical Fiddler on the Roof (or probably even if you haven’t), you’re familiar with the song “Tradition”. In it, Tevye explains how important traditions are to the way of life in his community. “Because of our traditions,” he says solemnly, “everyone in our little village knows who he is and what God expects him to do.” He turns to the audience and asks, “And how did these traditions come to be? I’ll tell you…I don’t know. But it’s a tradition!!”

Traditions give us all a sense of continuity, a connection with our families, with our heritage. There’s something reassuring about doing something the same way it was done by your parents, your grandparents, THEIR grandparents. Some traditions are passed down along with their own story, some kind of explanation of how they came to be, what their importance is, how they became significant to someone somewhere down the line, ages ago. But the origins of some traditions, like Tevye’s, have become shrouded with mystery over the years. We do them for no other reason than because they ARE tradition. And there’s something wonderful and special about that as well.

Some traditions are beautiful and serious: a good friend of mine make a pilgrimage to the cemetery every year to lay flowers on the grave of several relatives. Some are kind of funny: a family I know finishes decorating their Christmas tree every year by having someone stand on the far side of the room and throw an ugly ornament onto the tree – wherever it sticks, it stays. Most people I know have at least one “family recipe” that someone in the family always brings to a particular holiday gathering, whether it’s Aunt Ethel’s fruitcake or Grandma’s rum balls or Great-Uncle Heironymous’s barbequed pork.

Some traditions have been passed down for decades or even centuries. My family always opened one gift on Christmas Eve, and I think that may be a tradition our ancestors brought to the New World on the Mayflower. And some have been newly created within the past few years. My husband and I go to New York City every year for my birthday, a new tradition that began with our courtship only three years ago.

But whether age-old or fairly new, whether solemn or goofy, traditions create a wonderful family bond. So as the holidays approach, tell your sweetie about your family traditions, and ask him about his. As you begin your new life together, you can choose which traditions you want to continue with your new family. And maybe even create a few of your own!

C

Can you believe that we completely forgot to open them up when we got home and I only remembered this morning? I am sure I will forget tonight too. So, maybe you all can remind me!

I am also so in love with this picture we took showcasing the bottle of Verdi along with our photo booth strip pictures we took at the wedding. :)

Just figuring out who’s hosting Thanksgiving dinner may be a sticking point with some families. What do you do when your family always gathers at your mom’s house but your husband’s family always gathers at his Aunt Matilda’s house (which happens to be 300 miles away from your mom’s)? Do you kill yourselves having dinner at one home and then driving frenetically to the other for pie? Do you try to convince one of the families to move their celebration from Thursday to either Friday or Saturday? Do you play the newlywed card and insist that everyone come to your house?

What about timing? Are there appetizers beforehand or will that ruin everyone’s appetite? Is dinner served at 1pm or at 6pm? Do guests need to arrive late enough that they had time to watch the parade before leaving home, or do they need to leave early enough to watch the last football game in the comfort of their own living room? Do the hosts have a big enough living room to accommodate all the football fans? And are the non-fans then expected to clean the kitchen, or are they allowed to nap while the footballers lounge on the couch?

And then there’s the menu. You grew up on bread stuffing, your husband grew up on cornbread stuffing – so do you make both? Brine the turkey or baste it? Wine or no wine? Mashed potatoes or wild rice? Jellied cranberry sauce from a can or whole berry relish made from Grandma’s secret recipe? Squash or sweet potatoes? Sweet potatoes with marshmallows or with brown sugar and cinnamon? Pumpkin pie or apple pie? With whipped cream or without?

It seems like no matter what you decide on any of the above questions, someone’s not going to be happy. But then, change is hard. So sometimes it’s best to start a completely new tradition. Our family’s solution is to host Thanksgiving dinner ourselves. The troops are arriving at 1-2pm and dinner is scheduled for 4pm (assuming the turkey cooperates). The menu includes roast turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, jellied cranberry sauce (with the ridges from the can still in evidence), peas, squash, creamed onions, rolls, and both pumpkin and apple pie. Anyone who can’t live without a particular dish that’s not on the menu is welcome to bring it. It might not be the exact family tradition that any of us grew up with, but it’s now officially OUR family tradition. And I know that a lovely time will be had by all – because, after all, it’s family, and it’s Thanksgiving. How can it not be lovely?

"I don't want to fight on this trip. I want us to just have fun, love each other, and forgive."

I wanted to break out into laughter! {Oh wait... I did.} I knew better than my saintly husband, with me on this trip there was bound to be some sort of eruption of selfish living. What can I say, I am flawed. The harder I try to be a perfect angelic wife, the more ugly characteristics I see.  

In the back of my mind I knew that I could not take a vow to perfection. He reassured me he wasn't looking for an ideal weekend away with me. But I did understand what he meant.  A few days void of childish grudges, unforgiveness issues, and silence treatments was more what he was looking for.

Fast forward to day three of our long weekend to the beach... I was pleasantly surprised to realize that we had not experienced any major disagreements or quarrels.

We played around in the sand like friends, splashed in the waves like honeymooners, and enjoyed each other's company like naughty teenagers.  

Even though it was just the two of us, we never got bored or fed up with one another. We held hands, sat together on the couch, kissed like no one was watching, and convinced ourselves again that marriage was heavenly.

That is until day four. Of course, it had to be our last day. The conversation started out pleasant and dreamy, and ended with hurt, bitterness, and confusion. I can't tell you exactly what happened to get us to that point, but I can tell you that the rest of our long walk to get breakfast and back was filled with thoughtful and angry silence. Holding hands was the last thing we wanted to do. Our independent selfish natures kept us company the rest of the way home.

Thankfully, that's not the end of the story.

While my husband swam in the ocean, I sulked in the house. Alone.  I was taken back to his light-hearted yet loaded statement days prior, "I don't want to fight on this trip. I want us to just have fun, love each other, and forgive."

Thinking I had ruined our perfect streak, I suddenly realized marriage is not about trying to be flawless, but it's more about dealing with one another's imperfections.

So marriage should actually be filled with fighting.  But the kind of fighting that says,

"No matter what... We are going to keep on loving, forgiving, and having fun together. We are going to fight for that cause in our marriage and we will not just give up."

Naturally, we are not all sweethearts saturated with niceness. {Get married and you will see what I mean... }There is no way to make all of our imperfections disappear instantly; what's more important is dealing with the shortcomings when they do come, in us and in others.

I have no doubt our little four day retreat to the beach could have ended up looking like a sad crumbling sand castle. But thankfully, we kept building despite the waves.

We drove home realizing marriage isn't about avoiding the inevitable breakers that crash over our lives, but fighting for love, forgiveness, and fun even in the midst of them.

My last post was a bit serious, so I want to lighten things up a bit and get you thinking and laughing at the same time....

I was hanging out with my sis-in-crime yesterday and somehow we got a talking about farting and when to do it in a relationship. Yes, these are the awesome conversations we have.  So, for me, I have farted and burped in front of my husband BEFORE we got married.  I didn't want him to divorce me AFTER we got married if he found out that I am more than willing to fart and burp in his presence, and not run to the bathroom and be all discreet about it.  Face it.  He's the hubs and he loves me for me.  Me = includes farting and burping when I have to and not feeling shy about it in front of him.  She told me of another friend who does the same thing.  I give her a thumbs up!  

So, did you fart and burp in front of your hubs before you got married?

But, things have been a bit rough.  I landed in the hospital with a heart beat that was beating at 130, which is not cool with docs.  What's even crazier is that they found nothing wrong and blamed it on "stress."  

They told me to slow my life down.  Now the poor hubs was so great with me being in the hospital.  He didn't show me worry, stress, upset while he sat next to me in the ER.  He made me laugh instead, forced me to play angry birds on his iPad and just sat there next to me as I dosed off in the ER bed and then finally went home after being there with me for 10+ hours at around 1 in the morning.  He was so strong.

Now, I am getting laid off my job.  As of this Friday, I have no job.  So, now I have a husband who didn't freak out about it, but embraced the new siutation and showed me the new oppportunities it will bring. 

So I'm not freaking out about not having a job because I know me and the hubs will be fine.  It's not the end of the world.

But, it gives me more time to blog!!!!  I took a big break from blogging and recently became aware of how much I missed it.  It was an outlet for me.  It was my passion to write a funny story that happened to me so someone else can laugh when reading my story.  It's like therapy especially when you get to know other bloggers and connect with them on their stories about life in general, whether good or bad. 

So, I'm back to blogging and I missed you all.  The one big diffierence I noticed from my hiatus is that all the bloggers I have been following from the beginning are all pregnant!  Except me because we are waiting for the right time. So, if any of you are pregnant, congratulations!!!!

OK, now I have to actually work a little before I'm out of this place for good.  So, back to my reports I go. 

Missed you all and cant' wait to reconnect. 

But a bad vendor might just help guide you into planning a wedding that is perfect for THEM, not for you – more convenient for them, more profitable for them, more appropriate according to THEIR taste. So how do you find out whether you have a good vendor or a bad one?

The best way – and the best time - to find out what kind of vendor you have is to check them out BEFORE you’ve signed any contracts or gotten yourself committed in any way. Do you have girlfriends (or sisters or cousins or neighbors) who’ve recently been married? Ask them who they used and how they liked them. Ask specific questions like, “Were they willing to work within your budget or did they encourage you to overspend?”, “Did they work with your suggestions or try to push you into something you didn’t want?”, “Were they willing to be flexible and provide you with multiple options?”, “Did you feel like they understood your ‘vision’ of your wedding day?” If you live in (or near) a major city, look for a wedding website with reviews of various vendors in your area. See what recurring comments you see for particular vendors.

Also, do some research on your own to get a feel for the style of various vendors. Browse through photographers’ online galleries – a particular photographer may get wonderful reviews but if his photographic style is modern and you want very traditional, he might not be a good match for you. Do the same with bakeries – browse through online cake galleries and find a baker whose style meshes with what you imagine for your perfect wedding cake.

If at all possible, meet with the people with whom you’ll be working, or who will be working for you. Don’t just look at the ballroom you’re considering for your reception, talk to the banquet manager and floor captain. Get a feel for how helpful they’ll be, how comfortable you feel with them. Are you looking for someone who’ll do exactly what you request, no questions asked, or are you looking for someone who’ll make suggestions and offer you options?

On your wedding day, you want to be surrounded by people you trust, so be sure to choose vendors who’ll be a part of your team. Once you choose a team of vendors that you trust, you can relax and enjoy your wedding day, knowing that your team understands what you want and will make it happen for you.

Something old,

something new, something borrowed, something blue.

The saying is synonymous with the wedding day. Seems like we're all pretty good with the 'something new' ..... dress, veil, jewelry, shoes, guy (just kidding!). 'Something blue' isn't that hard to come up. Certain wedding shoe designers have even taken to lining the shoes in blue material (brilliant marketing move!).  

Something borrowed.... Even if you forget you can grab something last minute from a friend of family member.

But 'something old'...the one that carries a bit more tradition and sentiment.  

Elizabeth Messina, photographer and creator of the fabulous blog, Kiss the Groom, wore her grandmother's shrug and also had her pendant sewn into her bouquet. So personal, so full of special meaning.

A friend of mine is using the antique lace from her grandmother's wedding dress and having a new dress designed especially for her incorpating the vintage look into the gown. I can't wait to see it!

One of my favorites is this beautiful bride wearing red shoes on her wedding day because her husband's grandmother wore red shoes on her wedding day. Her something old...was the tradition itself.

What was your something old?

We're giving away (one set of) FOUR tickets to see the show!

Sofia’s Downstairs Theater, 221 West 46th Street, New York, NY

MISS ABIGAIL'S GUIDE TO DATING, MATING, & MARRIAGE is the story of Miss Abigail, the most sought after relationship expert to the stars, and her sexy sidekick Paco, as they travel the world teaching Miss Abigail's outrageously funny and spot‐on tips on how to date, mate and marry!

During this 90 minute comedy, you're guaranteed to laughoutloud and learn a thing or two . . . like how to have a perfect kiss (it's all about lip position) . . . what you should and should not talk about on a date (don't mention your troll doll collection) . . . and how to let a man think he wears the pants.

Let Miss Abigail take you back to a simpler time, before booty calls and before speed-dating . . . back when the divorce rate wasn't 50% and when 'fidelity' was more than an investment firm!

How do you enter to win?

Leave a comment!

**The voucher for the tickets expires Jan. 2, 2011. You MUST be able to attend the show in NY and be willing to write about your experience and allow us to share it on She Just Got Married.**

♥ Contest ends November 15th ♥

His response?

That's stupid.....you shouldn't feel that way.

The issue was irrelevant. Her 'feelings' were real.

Ignoring, belittling or making fun of someone's feelings is like looking at someone's mangled foot after they're been in a horrible accident and saying 'just walk it off...you'll be fine'.

The feelings are there whether anyone else feels they're justified or not.

The purpose of feelings is so that you will know how you respond to an experience. From our feelings come our emotions. What you do with those feelings will determine the outcome.

Women are often labeled as the more 'feeling' of the sexes but that's really not fair. Feelings are non-gender specific. Everyone has feelings. We express our feelings differently at times but make no mistake....your guy has feelings.

So instead of asking the same old questions...

'How was your day?'... 'What do you want for dinner?'... 'How much money do we have left in our bank account?'....' Does this dress make my butt look big?'

.....think about starting the conversation with.....

"How would you feel if we ____________ ?"

Then listen!!

The Second Annual Top 10 Marriage Blogs for 2010 nominations are underway right now and we would love to be one of the Top 10 again (**blushing**) this year! :-) If you want to take a moment and nominate this blog, sponsored by The Marry Blogger, we'd be more than honored. ♥

What a year, right? 2010 has been so full of adventure that if I was just making my own Top Ten List of what that means for me, personally, I would have a hard time narrowing it down to just 10.

Many of you celebrated the beginning of your lives as husband and wife....many more celebrated an anniversary of your marriage. And for many others, you are either expecting a new addition to your family or have already experienced the joy of the birth of your baby.

Most of us are discovering that married life is a daily discovery of who we never knew we were at the time we said our vows. As a community of women we have shared our highs and lows....the joys and the "oh my goodness, why didn't someone tell me THIS was going to happen when I married?"

"For richer or for poorer" also took on a new meaning as the economy hit a lot of families quite hard. 

"In sickness and in health" became the overriding thought on a level we never imaged as some experienced illness and even loss of someone we loved.

And we've discovered that sometimes we just love so much that it hurts....

and that we have the power to choose how our lives will turn out!

But is this marriage thing really worth it?

My vote?? We wouldn't have it any other way!

I’ve been married for 2-1/2 years, and in those years we’ve definitely seen some good times and some bad. H and I (and both our families) mourned together when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and rejoiced together when she completed her treatment and began to regain her health. We mourned when I was laid off from my job and rejoiced when my husband escaped several rounds of layoffs at his. We mourned the early loss of a pregnancy and rejoiced over the birth of our beautiful baby boy. But now, once again, we are going through the bad times as we mourn the sudden, untimely loss of my husband’s younger brother, G.

H and I have often said that we both hit the in-law lottery jackpot, because his family adores me and my family, and my family adores him and his. And that extended family bond is definitely in evidence as we go through this difficult time as a couple and as a family. No-one who doesn’t know us would be able to pick out who are the in-laws and who are the blood kin. Not only is H giving a eulogy at G’s funeral, but their sister’s husband is as well. G’s daughter put together a slide show, and I wrote the obituary. G’s niece wrote a poem for his memorial service, and H and I are creating the music playlist. The family, in the most comprehensive sense of the word, is pulling together to support and comfort each other.

I am so grateful to be a part of both families. I love H’s parents as I love my own, and I mourn all the more deeply because G was the brother I never had. I felt a real part of his family when our son was born and we all shared that joy; oddly enough, I feel even more a part of his family because I am sharing their grief.

The tragedy of G’s untimely death reminds me of how precious life is, and how precious my family is. All you newlyweds and soon-to-be newlyweds, treasure your loved ones, both in the families that you were born into and in those you willingly chose as your own. I offer to you these reflections that I recently shared with family and friends:

His death reminds me that life is precious. It makes me want to hold my son a little tighter, tell my husband I love him a little more often, call my mom a little more frequently, and work harder to be gracious, patient, and generous with those around me. It makes me value every second I have with those I love. It makes me aware of how precious and fleeting those seconds can be. I am grateful for all the seconds I shared with him.

Holidays With Your In-laws

By Jenna D. Barry

Some people look forward to spending the holidays with family,

while others would rather be run over by a reindeer.  Some folks

anticipate a time of love and joy-- while others can't wait for this

season of guilt and manipulation to be over.   

It's true that some in-laws are stereotyped unfairly, but others 

really are difficult to be around.  Some mothers-in-law gossip

about us, pry into our personal lives, and manipulate us with guilt.

Some fathers-in-law criticize us, offer unwanted advice, and meddle

with the way we raise our kids. 

Spending time with our spouse's family is part of the marriage 

commitment, so we might as well learn to make the best of it. 

Here are five ways to improve visits with your in-laws:

1.  Get out of victim mode.  You are an adult on equal standing

with your in-laws, so don't behave as though you are a child on an

inferior level to them.  Their needs and opinions do not outrank

yours. Be confident and assertive (but not antagonistic, hateful or

vengeful).

2.  Unite as husband and wife to deal with difficult in-laws. 

Make decisions based on your needs as a couple, and then

communicate and draw (reasonable) boundaries with Hubby's folks as

needed.  If your partner struggles with making you a priority over his

parents, then educate yourself on how to gain his loyalty.

3.  Learn how to minimize destructive gossip.  Avoid criticizing

your husband's parents in his presence because that will trigger his 

instinct to defend them. When necessary, vent your frustration to a 

counselor or support group instead of your family or friends.

Apologize to your in-laws for gossiping about them, tell them you 

intend to stop doing so, and ask them to show you the same

respect.  Ask your spouse to refuse to listen if his folks start to talk

behind your back.

4.  Be prepared to handle difficult situations with your

in-laws.  Memorize some key phrases to use when they ask intrusive 

questions, interfere with the way you raise your kids, offer

unwanted advice, manipulate you with guilt, etc. 

           "That's classified.  I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." 

           "Let's talk about something else instead."

           "You're entitled to your opinion, but I've made my decision."

           "I know you're just trying to help, but this isn't your decision."

5.  Learn to let your in-laws be upset.  When you start behaving as

a confident adult, they may act offended, cry, throw a tantrum, gossip

about you, accuse you of being disrespectful, etc.  They might test

you to see how serious you are about setting boundaries (just like a

toddler would), so it's very important that you stand your ground (in a

respectful manner) instead of arguing, apologizing, or giving excuses

for your behavior.

When you start to behave in a new way, your in-laws will begin to 

treat you differently.  And who knows?  Someday you may

actually look forward to the holiday season.

Jenna D. Barry is the author of "A Wife's Guide to In-laws:  How to Gain Your Husband's Loyalty Without Killing His Parents."  To joinher support group or find a counselor, please visit www.WifeGuide.org.

So here it goes...

The Top 10 Things I Learned in My First Year of Marriage

#10: I worry way too much about my appearance!

# 9:  My husband eats at least three to four times more than I do!

# 8:  Protein (man food!) must be included in every single meal.

# 7:  My communication skills are just plain horrible! I never knew I could speak another language;)

# 6:  I love hugs and kisses! (coming from a former no-touchy kind of girl)

# 5:  I did not realize how passionately God loves me! Really God? You are that crazy in love with me?  (My hubby demonstrates this to me everyday.)

# 4: Treat him gently...My husband needs lots of love and tender care.

# 3: I am not the selfless, compassionate person I always thought I was...marriage is accelerating my journey to become more like Jesus!

# 2: Becoming one with my husband does not always mean our marriage is full of bouquets of flowers and chocolate, but loads of hard-work and forgiveness. Bummer!

# 1: However, marriage has helped me to discover God's best and most fun activity He ever created! ;)

No matter how few or many years you've been married, remaining teachable and flexible will keep our hearts soft and lovable instead of turning cold and hard.

So now it's your turn...

What are you learning in marriage?

Then we put at the very top of the page (above 'autographs').....

Petition to have Mrs. Finch Fired

We had pulled off the ultimate scheme.

But our science teacher, Mr. Tatum, intercepted the paper as I was handing it to my friend. And somehow he figured out what was going on and WHO was responsible. HOW did he know?

He took my friend and me to Mrs. Finch and made us show her the paper. My life flashed before my eyes!! And to this very day I can still remember seeing Mrs. Finch and her big red beehive hair-do standing by the classroom door....and her eyes filled up with tears.

My partner in crime friend and I both said "We're sorry Mrs. Finch".

Then she said these words....

"I can forgive but I'll never forget".

Forgiveness is a powerful gift - yes, a gift. And it is not for the one receiving forgiveness but for the one giving it.

In any relationship, especially marriage, there will be times that we hurt each other... intentionally or unintentionally.  Sometimes the hurt is easier to forgive than others. But I read something the other day that has really made me understand even more that holding on to pain is more damaging to me than to that someone who has hurt me.

The phrase is this...

"Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head".

My husband and I have been working all week to resolve an issue that caused us both a great deal of pain. It's been several days of open communication and introspection. We have defined it and dealth with it. I can tell you that we have been open and honest each other but with the goal of healing.....not of 'being right'.

Does it mean the memory just automatically disappears? NO! It means it doesn't have control or define who you are!

Clearing out the clutter in my mind makes room for the things that enrich my life...like love, happiness, peace and fun....lots of fun!

I hope Mrs. Finch has managed to forgive...and forget. :-)

 "Do you know where my wallet is?"

                       "Have you seen my sunglasses?"

                                                "Where are the keys?"

I feel like I would have more compassion if it was my grandma. But no- this is my husband I am talking about.  My genius husband sometimes reminds me of Einstein. I have heard it said that he could not even find his way home from the laboratory. Similarly, my husband is consistently loosing track of everything from car keys and credit cards to sunglasses and sweat jackets.

I have studied this phenomenon over the past year of marriage. I could have been a millionaire by now if I charged for all the times he's started a sentence with, "Do you know where..."

Fortunately, nothing has ever been truly lost, most of the time something has simply been misplaced or overlooked by my man's eyes. By now, I am sure many women can relate!  Our husbands look in the fridge for the ketchup and they can't see it because it's on a different shelf. Or they can't find the car keys, because they have left them in their pant pocket the previous evening.

We women are just as guilty as men when it comes to loosing things, so I am definitely not pointing fingers.

But for some reason, my husband has a special ability to misplace, forget, and loose his belongings.

For months, this bothered me. I would invariably roll my eyes, snap at him with a harsh statement like, "Why are you always loosing things!!", then end with my signature sound of frustration, "Uggghhhh!"

As you can imagine I did more harming than helping. When I allowed his weakness to get under my skin it only resulted in unpleasant arguments.

Then I realized my husband's weaknesses are my opportunity to shine as his wife. Complementing him should be a joy, not a drag.

His knack for leaving things in obscure places, and his gift of forgetting do not need to intimidate or frustrate me. Rather I can be spurred on to contribute my strengths to our marriage without making a fuss over my husband's weaknesses.

Over the past few months, I've noticed that being critical and cruel of my fabulous man's flaws is not my part to play. My role is to be his loving companion, helper, and complement.  His limitations have begun to inspire me to step up and come alongside him. I can take time to look for the keys with him. I can recall the last place I saw his sunglasses. And I can usually keep track of his wallet better than he does.

I am not boasting in my abilities, but only demonstrating the power of complementing our man instead of criticizing.

Marriage is more about acceptance than it is about trying to change one another.

Spend a few moments identifying areas where you can fulfill the role of complementing your man instead of speaking condescendingly or complaining to him. Your role as a wife is precious and necessary to the joy of your marraige!

Love, Charissa

Did you know that touch is the greatest sense in our body? The skin is the largest and oldest sensory organ of the body, our first method of communication, and our body's most efficient protector.

So....want to turn up the heat? Then put your SOX on!

What are SEXY LOVE SOX?

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• Includes easy to follow instructions and sensual techniques designed for him and her, to help you tease, please and excite your lover.
• Can be used anywhere, anytime to awaken hidden pleasure points, ignite passion and deepen your intimate connection.
• The only socks sexy enough to leave on during bedroom play!

Ask Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway or Jennifer Anniston...they'll tell you how they got Happy Feet with Sexy Love Sox!!

How to Enter to Win:

Leave a comment sharing one way you try to bring a sexy spark to your relationship. (1 entry)

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Follow BasicKnead on Twitter for more information on how you can achieve optimal health & well-being with the healing power of touch through Basic Knead Massage and Reflexology products.

CONTEST ENDS OCT. 24th!

♥

So...have you heard of the show Sister Wives? I had not watched a single episode until last night which turned out to be marathon night where they showed many episodes back to back. My husband wanted to watch a little (more) football so he went downstairs to the man-cave. I had the upstairs TV all to myself so I put on my fuzzy pj's (the ones that announce.....'hey - I'm opting for comfort tonight) poured myself a glass of girly wine and began to channel surf looking for a nice chick-flick to wind down with for the evening. But I saw a commercial for Sister Wives so I thought ... 'why not'?

I have to admit, I kind of like knowing that my husband and I are 'exclusive'. It reminds me of a game we played in elementary school where a group of girls would join hands and form a circle then sing:

Tick Tock the game is locked

Nobody can play but us, but us

And if they do, we'll knock them blue

And that's the end of Y-O-U.

I suppose it's more than just "I like knowing we're exclusive"....I pretty much insist on it and the thought of sharing him with anyone else isn't even in my realm of thinking.

In the 1950's they coined the phrase "wife-swapping" (which had an entirely different meaning from the show we all came to know and detest love).  In the 70's the term 'swingers' became the word of choice for those who wanted to have sex outside of marriage and basically, not get in trouble for doing it.

What exactly is swinging?

Unlike "open marriages" of the 1970's which promoted non-possessive love and tolerance of infidelity in their spouses (O'Neill and O'Neill, 1972), or "polyamory" (Wesp, 1992) - the love of many people at once - swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.

Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one's marital partner, remains the primary focus.

Ok - I'll stop there with the technical definition but I do want to point out the part that says "swinging is treated like any other social activity that can be experienced as a couple".

Is that what sex is? A social activity? And can emotional monogamy truly be the primary focus if you're sharing the most intimate part of your relationship with someone else at the same time?

I'm not here to judge the practice of polygamy. Polygamists knowingly form relationships based non-exclusivity. I don't understand it but I'm not here to judge. But Kody, the husband of the Sister Wives, admitted that there was no way to avoid the pain that the newest marriage would cause the others. And you could see it in their eyes and feel it in their words and through their tears. Mari, the first of Kody's wives, cried as she helped her husband dress for his wedding with the fourth and newest Sister Wife, Robyn. Mari put her head on Kody's chest as he hugged her close. Then she said "I wish this was my wedding night".

My heart truly ached for her as she watched the events play out that night knowing he would be sharing his body and his heart with another woman that night and for many more nights to come.

When the football game was over my husband came upstairs. By that time, I had changed out of my old comfy, lounging pj's and he and I went to bed together....just the two of us - experiencing with each other a gift that is truly just ours...mind, body and soul. Tick tock the game is locked and no one can play but us, but us.

Pumpkin Cobbler

1 can (16oz) pumpkin

2 eggs

1 ½ C evaporated milk (one can)

¾ cup sugar, (or delete the sugar and use 1 can of eagle brand- I always use Eagle Bran)

1tsp. cinnamon

1 box yellow or spice cake mix (I always use Spice Cake)

1 stick melted butter, pecans

Mix everything together in EXCEPT the dry cake mix.

Put in a 9 X 13 baking dish. Put the cake mix (and pecans if desired) on top and drizzle with melted butter.

Bake at 350 for 50 minutes to 1 hour.

Let cool for a couple minutes then top with whipped cream or ice cream (my preference is Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla....yummmy).

Enjoy!

"I read last week about that Brooklyn wife who killed her husband (in front of their kids no less!) because she lost it when she found out he was watching porn in their home. My thing is, I get that most guys have a secret (or not-so-secret) love for porn, but what bugs me isn't that he has it, it's that he doesn't take the time to take it back out of the DVD player when he's done, or dismiss the urge to download it from crappy virus prone sites when he's on our home computer! To me that's incosiderate. We've talked about it, but he alwyas says. "oops!" or "sorry!" and a few weeks later, there it is again -- Big Butts 11, or whatever. LOL. Just venting. I wouldn't kill him over it (sad about that woman) but I am sometimes tempted to make him sleep on the couch. Anyway, i posted the rest of my thoughts on my blog. Thoughts ladies? We're not yet married. We're four weeks away! (yay!)"

**Note....I think this is a subject that deserves a lot more attention and discussion but would like for your thoughts on this particular question at this time.**

That's what Sit 'n Pretty is all about - details....taking the simple and making it sublime! Chair covers and specialty linens will transform any site into sheer elegance and create a theme for your wedding, corporate function or special event.

What a difference a beautiful cover and sash makes to these otherwise dull tables and chairs.

Sit N’ Pretty became a reality in 2003for owner, Lori Taylor, after much encouragement from her cousin who had started a similar business in Ohio (www.sittininstyle.com). The two businesses are similar in name, but operate independently. This is an advantage to their clients because they are able to share inventory, making their color and style selections just as competitive as the larger linen companies.

Owner, Lori Taylor, is a proud member of South Atlanta Bridal Association & Southern Charm Bridal Network. For more information and ideas visit Sit 'n Pretty or call 404-790-3453.

When you first look at that cartoon, it seems funny, right?

Everyone likes a good joke. We love to laugh!!

There's even a television channel devoted entirely to comedy aptly named  "Comedy Central".

And who hasn't heard the old phrase "Laughter is the best medicine"?

But when laughter comes at the expense of someone else....it's really just not funny. And when it's followed by "I'm just kidding" - you're usually not.

 Sarcasm is defined as harsh or bitter ridicule or mockery.

I have watched couples communicate almost constantly through sarcasm. They dish out a little dig here and there all under the guise of humor. My mom calls it bully-teasing.

"Oh that's just the way we are....we're just being funny."

The teasing escalates and over time it wears the person down.....like the rushing water that flows over Niagra Falls continues to erode the landscape.

Bullying, in any form, is brutally cruel and, as most of us have heard recently, can cause irreversible damage...even to the point of suicide.

You may think I've taken this comparison a bit too far but I believe.....I know for certain...that the words we use, those not-so-funny attempts at humor, with the person we have vowed to love and honor till death do us part, can be equally devastating to a relationship....it can kill it.

So the next time you feel to urge to pull out the sarcasm routine and use it on someone you claim to love....just stop. And don't quit your day job because, most likely, you're just not funny!

I’ve known of weddings where the bride didn’t wear a white gown. I’ve known of weddings where the bride didn’t process down the aisle. I’ve known of weddings where there was no exchange of rings, no attendants, no music, no dancing, no alcohol, even no food. But I’ve never heard of a wedding that was planned with no lists.

When you plan your wedding, you’ll find yourself making lists of everything imaginable. You’ll have lists of dates: when the deposit for the hall is due, when the caterers need the final guest count, when the invitations should be mailed, when the men need to pick up their tuxes, when your final dress fitting is scheduled, when the RSVPs are due. You’ll have lists of vendors: the photographer, the videographer, the function room manager, the caterer, the florist, the officiant, the bridal salon consultant, the limousine service. You’ll have lists of things you need to buy, tasks you need to do, people you need to call, questions you need to ask. You’ll have lists of people: the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the people who’ve RSVP’d, the people who haven’t RSVP’d, the people who have to be in the formal family photos, the people who need special meals at the reception, the people who under NO circumstances should be seated at the same table at the reception. You’ll have lists of questions: will dendrobium orchids still be in season, can the seamstress add a panel to the bridesmaid dress of your college roommate who just announced that she’ll be 7-1/2 months pregnant at the wedding, can the caterer provide a vegan meal for your third cousin’s second wife, does the band know a three-quarter arrangement of “The Anniversary Waltz” for your parents to dance to? You’ll even find yourself making lists of lists.

By the time you’re making the list of the minute-by-minute happenings of the reception (1:23pm, photos on the grand staircase; 1:37pm, champagne toast by Best Man; 1:41pm, salad course served), you’ll be ready to add “burn all these lists” to one of your lists. But a few well-thought-out lists will save you hours of time and keep your thoughts organized and on track. At the beginning of the planning process, a list gives you a framework of the major tasks you need to get done and the order you need to do them in. And at the end of the planning process, they help your overwhelmed brain keep those last details from falling through the cracks.

Also, having lists of what you need to do can be a huge help when your mom or your friends or your groom notice that you’re looking a bit frazzled and ask, “What can I do to help?” Just pull out a list, and voila! There are all the tasks that need doing right there in black and white. You don’t have to think, just point, and your mom will call Aunt Matilda to remind her that she offered to lend you her triple string of pearls, or your groom will call and request that the limo arrive half an hour earlier, or your BFF will schedule your mani-pedi for the afternoon before the wedding.

Just be sure that every once in a while your list includes “sit back and relax for a few minutes”, and you’ll be just fine.

Like today when I dropped him off at the airport. It's never easy to say goodbye to my best friend. We are on a journey of becoming one. When he's gone I limp and hobble for a few days, before I remember what it's like to be on my own again. Love hurts.  I was fine as a single, but now.... I don't know what to do for a weekend without him!

But for me, there is something that makes love hurt even more...

My faults.

Sin and selfishness flare up like a nasty virus. Marriage lays bare my imperfections.

One day there is passionate love exploding like a fireworks display between us.  But the next day next minute there are fights that resemble the start of World War III with bombs and missiles striking all around.

Welcome to marriage. It's a mix of harmony and hysteria. Neither of us became holy and selfless after we said I do.  The glimmer and glow of the wedding day quickly fades in comparison to the lifetime of facing fears, insecurities, and shortcomings together.

During this first year of marriage, I have actually started to love my husband's flaws. I expect that he will make mistakes, but even then, I accept him all the more. His imperfections are of no surprise to me, nor do they rattle the ring off my finger.  

But what surprises me more than this is what I see in my heart...

I still long to be the shimmering bride I was a year ago. However, there is an obvious ugliness within me. It feels like my white wedding gown has changed into grubby rags, like Cinderella at midnight.

How do I make the clock go back?

It hurts our marriage that I am so dirty, ravished with flaws and mistakes. Bad tempers, sour attitudes, and selfish motives are more common than my regular habit of showering my husband with loving hugs and kisses.

I love him so much that I never want to make a mistake. But in one day I have failed more ways than I count.  It will never be possible to say all the right things, show him affection in all the exact moments, and please him in every way that he deserves. I am a helplessly imperfect bride.  

But in these messy moments of marriage I am learning something of the way my husband sees me...

To him I am still his perfect bride.

He loves my flaws. He expects mistakes. He accepts me as I am. My imperfections are of no surprise to him. They will never rattle the ring off his finger.

The other day I hit a little bump in the road of life, I was at my worst.  He sat with me, wiped the tears from eyes, and with one small phrase he helped me to accept my imperfections once again,  

"Charissa...All I can think to say right now is this... I love you. Forever. I will never leave. I will never forsake you."

In that instant my husband awakened me to how painful love really is- embracing, accepting, and forgiving one another in the weakest most vulnerable moments.

Love hurts us both.

Learning to love the ugly parts is a painful process, but it's led this imperfect bride to put back on her white wedding gown.  

Love is beautiful.

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." Henry David Thoreau

I...LOVE....BIRTHDAYS!

It's not the big fancy gifts (but please, if you insist on giving me a fancy gift don't let me stop you!)...it's not even the surprise party with all my friends and family (Ok...it is!). But this was such a fun gift that just took a little creativity and leg work (and maybe a tiny explanation before getting a NYC policeman to stop and pose).

I LOVED IT!

Planning a bridal shower? Come on....you know this would be SO much fun for the bride-to-be.

Bachelor party? Oh you know you could come up with something great! That's all I'll say there! :-)

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad?

Congrats on the new baby?

Thank you to someone special?

The point is - it really doesn't take much to make someone feel great! Knowing someone put their heart into just making you smile is the greatest gift. ♥

Instead of just enjoying the music as the bride walks down the aisle, I imagine the bride and groom sitting with their iPods, listening to clips of song after song, trying to decide exactly which music selection is most appropriate.

Instead of just admiring how lovely the bride looks, I imagine her at a bridal salon, trying on a wedding gown for the first time amidst the tears of her mom and the delighted laughter of her best friends. I imagine her at the nail salon, giggling with her bridesmaids as they get their pre-wedding manicures. I imagine her peering nervously into the mirror as the hairdresser pins up her hair and carefully sets her veil in place.

Instead of just seeing and admiring the lovely centerpieces at the reception, I imagine the bride and her bridesmaids making a shopping trip to A.C. Moore to pick up those dozens of little mirrors, tiny votive holders, and bags of just the right color confetti. I picture them sitting around on the living room floor at the bride’s mother’s house with glue guns and spools of ribbons, trying to figure out exactly how big the bows should be and whether the rosettes should be at the front or the side.

Instead of just enjoying the food at the reception, I imagine the bride poring over the endless options offered by the caterer, wondering if she’s made the right choices. I imagine the bride and groom flipping through photos of cake after cake, weighing the pros and cons of a bride and groom cake topper vs. fresh flowers.

But even beyond imagining all the planning and preparation that went into each part of the wedding I’m at, I recall my own wedding. As I watch the bride walk down the aisle, I remember the look on H’s face when the doors opened at the back of the church and he saw me for the first time in my wedding gown and veil. I remember sitting with him, flipping through an old hymnal to decide which hymns we could use in the service that both families would know. I remember going with a friend to get my first manicure and pedicure a few days before the wedding, carefully choosing the color of polish I would be wearing when I became Mrs. P. I remember finding a picture in a magazine and knowing that was the perfect wedding cake, and I remember walking into the reception hall on H’s arm and seeing my perfect cake on a pedestal in front of us. I remember the caterers bringing beautiful trays of food to the head table and eagerly digging in to the delicious meal while friends and family came by to congratulate us and wish us well.

I’ve been to several beautiful weddings since my own, and they’ve all been lovely and perfect. But none of them could be as perfect for me as mine was. Because, after all, who else’s wedding could possibly be as perfect as the wedding in which you got to marry your own perfect man?

I know that simply by being in this phase of life implies change - newlywed. We have changed our relationship status and for many of us, our name. We've, most likely, changed where we live and how we handle our finances. We've even changed how we think.

But right now I'm watching as several of my very close friends are in the middle of some major life changes. I mean huge changes that can either strengthen a relationship or cripple it.

Two of my friends' husbands have lost their jobs in the last month. Another couple is moving to a new city where the husband is starting his own business.

One of the men who lost their job has chosen to enlist in the military. Scary? Uhhh....yeah. But his wife is proud of him and his decision and 100% supportive. They are a team!

source

The other man who lost his job has, perhaps, a bit more of a challenge in that he and his wife also have children. And now, more than ever he needs the support of his wife...but her first reaction was fear and panic.

The third couple has been working towards this goal of starting a new business and they are in action together, moving all the pieces in place to make this dream come true. Her mother-in-law (yes....her husband's own mother) tells them all the dangers and risks. But the wife is totally excited and encouraging....she believes in their dream and in her husband.

Do you acknowledge the challenge and the change? Of course. Do you discuss the situation and even share your fears? Yes. But these are the opportunities to bond with your husband and build him up because if YOU don't believe in him, it makes it difficult for him to believe in himself.

We have the ability to strengthen or break a relationship simply by responding to changes in love or fear. No one wants to be left alone to face the change.

"Life is change....growth is optional. Choose wisely".

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about....well, everything actually, so I'm not going to say whether or not I think this was a good choice for bridesmaids dresses (Oh...my....goodness.....are you kidding me??) Let's just say I wouldn't want my bridesmaids to upstage me on my wedding day. That was politically correct, right?

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And fashion just changes through the years (was this really ever in style?).

According to Bridget Brown, owner of Bella Bridesmaid, it's the bride herself who has come to the rescue of bridesmaids everywhere who have been forced to wear more of a costume than a dress.

Bridget says: "Today's bridesmaid dresses have reached a new level of sophistication - brides want dresses that are stylish, made of fine fabrics and, most importantly, can be worn again."

Bella Bridesmaids

So.....be honest.....did you chose a dress that your bridemaids were happy to wear?

Boutique Benay is filled with everything you need to complete your wedding day look.  Jewelry, tulle and bird cage veils, bolero jackets, and custom spa products!

Birdcage Veils

Since her launch at New York Bridal Week in 2009, Alisa Benay's bridal gowns and accessories have been featured in Bridal Guide, Bride and Bloom, Get Married, Destination I Do, The Los Angeles Times, and many national wedding industry blogs.

Ciara Fascinator

Muriel Alencon lace bolero

Each accessory is custom made upon order in their Colorado atelier including this stunning Cameo Pearl Choker, hand made with genuine freshwater pearls and Swarovski crystals.  A vintage inspired brass clasp finishes the look perfectly.  This necklace comes in it's own velvet lined jewelry box.

                I bet you'll never guess...

                                            It's your husband!

While still single, some of my girl friends and I an observation...

           Every male is a "marshmallow man" on the inside.  

I am sure a marshmallow is not exactly what every guy wants to be called- well probably not any guy!

What's in the middle?

By using the term marshmallow my girlfriends and I were attempting to highlight the soft, loving, caring, and feeling-oriented side of a man. If we take off the hard, manly shell they sometimes put up, we will begin to see that a husband longs to be loved, touched, and adored by his wife.

Typically, when guys get together they burp, fart, wrestle, and talk about man stuff {whatever that is!} The real MAN inside of them is released. {insert manly sound here}  However, the rough, tough, and uncut side is not all that resides within them. Whether your man spends every weekend out hunting or fishing with his buddies, or likes to sit in a bookstore and drink coffee, if you peel away the outer layer of macho masculinity you will find a man whose heart is gentle and fragile, more like a marshmallow. Again, words that not every man wants to hear about themselves!  

Could it be true?

Over the past year of my marriage, I can testify to the truthfulness of this discovery. On plenty of occasions I have snapped at my husband, acted unkindly, or have been purposefully insensitive towards him.

More often I am the one with the thoughtless and unfeeling heart. I'm the one giving strict orders about a clean house, rather than sweetly asking for help. I'm usually the one after a fight that demands space, while he wants a hug. Many times, when I am in a "mood" I can be blatantly inconsiderate, instead of attempting to be affectionate.

Can anyone relate?!

Real Men are Marshmallows

At the core of my 29 year old husband is a romantic, forgiving, and tender-hearted man.  Why do I so often forget that just because he is a man, doesn't automatically equate to having no feelings?

Our husband does not need to know that we consider him a marshmallow man, it can just be a secret between us ladies! As we start to look past our muscular, meat-loving, unmoving man we see a heart that needs one simple thing...

A whole lot of love!

Although, they may not realize this about themselves, we as wives have the ability to taste the soft and sweet center of our husband! 

Don't be fooled by a burly façade, treat him with a back massage, dinner at a fancy restaurant, romantic moonlit walk, or a bubble bath together. Practice asking him gently to help around the house or pick up his underwear on the floor. Lovingly admire him. Affectionately embrace him. Tenderly speak words of affirmation over him.

Our strong, courageous Prince charming oftentimes needs more love than we realize.

So handle your husband with plenty of care and remember...

 he's a marshmallow man waiting to be melted by your love.   

     As a newlywed, you may still be in the let’s-hold-hands-and-take-the-trash-out-together phase.  I know, in the very early days of my marriage, any moments apart were miserable.  Couples need lots of time together during the beginning of a marriage to truly get to know the other - all the habits, likes/dislikes, nuances that are unique to each partner (you just thought you knew that person before you were married:) 

     But over time, we discover (thankfully) that we did not marry our clone and that we actually each have separate interests, hobbies, and involvements that are of little or no interest to our mate.  Already, you’ve probably found that he’d rather marinate in the combined testosterone of a, right:ll his male friends while they cheer (or cry commiserate) during ball games.   And for sure you and your girlfriends had much rather hit the mall without the guys.  Right?  

     Sometimes, separate vacations might even be good (Now, don’t start screaming yet).  This does NOT take the place of shared vacations!  But, I’m just saying...  I’ll bet 3 days in the deer blinds isn’t your choice of a lovely outing (after all, what kind of shoes do you wear to a deer blind?)  And a weekend at a Creative Writing Retreat may sound pretty boring to your husband (especially if the playoffs are on that weekend:).

     There are several reasons why some couples choose separate vacations:
     1. Reunions with old friends - High School or College reunions are usually about old and silly memories that can sure make an outsider feel like, well...an outsider!
     2. Learn new skills - Do you really want to learn to sky-dive?  Does your hubby actually long to take that class in “Cooking Crustaceans”?
     3. Visit a locale the other has no interest in - Hubby loves to snow ski but how many gallons of hot chocolate am I allowed to drink while waiting at the lodge?  I love a cruise but hubby’s fear of water-at-night (yes, there IS such a phobia) prohibits his ship-boarding, much less sailing off to the Greek Isles.
     4.  You get the idea..........

     Or maybe a compromise is the answer...How about a vacation at the same destination that takes the needs of both of you into account? The avid golfer hits the greens for half the day, while the spa-lover is massaged and exfoliated -- then... you spend the rest of the day together.

     I’m just saying, separate outings do NOT mean you or your husband want to escape each other.  (If it does, please...see a counselor, ASAP!) 

     A little time away just makes you miss that person and you want to hurry back to be close again.  Gradually, we all learn that time apart creates opportunity to long for each other and  separate experiences bring something new to be shared when we are together again.

     Kahlil Gibran expresses it in a way I only wish I could: "Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you."

I love this image....and raise your hand if you felt like that after your wedding.

 Maybe you were so full of adrenaline that you were more like this:

Either way there really is no need to rush into Honeymoon mode the very next morning. Catching a 6:00 a.m. flight to Turks and Caicos sounds fabulous when the two of you are dreaming of white sandy beaches and umbrella drinks because you have no idea how exhausted you might be after a night of wedding celebration that could (and most likely WILL) last into the wee hours of the morning.

From the Movie "The Hangover"

I've seen a growing number of brides and grooms opt to postpone leaving for the honeymoon one extra day. Maybe you take this day to open gifts at your new home together or perhaps the two of you spend the day relaxing by the pool, enjoying a friends and family BBQ. This is exactly what friends of mine did and it was fabulous, casual and so much fun!

That night the newlyweds spent the night in their new home, got plenty of rest (or so they said!) and left the following day for Aruba....rested, relaxed and ready for a fantastic week of honeymooning.

Did you leave the very next morning or wait a day or two?

Meet Amanda Forbes

"I am a modern photographer who captures the love you both know and see along with the moments you may not know. My focus is to blend spontaneity and creativity in a modern artistic fashion.  My goal is to give you images you are excited to share with the world."

I love this photo so much. For an engagement session the couple, Nicole and Roman, brought along their newest addition, Kiki.

(above) Nicole and Roman in Denver, Colorado

♥ Wedding Photography ♥

Nature provides an amazing backdrop but the perfection of the moment is captured by the eye of the photographer.

How lucky baby Cora is to have Aunt Amanda as her own personal photographer!

"Photography is as unique as you and tells your story.  My vision for all images is to not only display what happens but the emotions and reasons behind every smile, kiss, and ounce of happiness.

A great part of my photography is that I get to meet people of different backgrounds, faith, countries, languages, ideals and stories and know they all have love in common. This is what I love about photography, no matter how different we may be we all have a story and I get to help tell yours!"

Amanda Forbes is based in Colorado but, in her words, "will travel anywhere a bride's heart desires".

For information and booking contact Amanda here.

Friends of mine and my husband's were visiting us from out of town this past week. The guy is very fit and obsessively (in my opinion) concerned about his physical appearance.  I mean, I love a nice starched shirt, great shoes, toned body....etc.  But....I did want to grab him by his Italian leather belt and sling him across the room have a bit of an issue when he said (be sure you're sitting down)....

"I don't know what's wrong with my wife. I got her a membership to a gym, I tell her she needs to eat healthy, I tell her how much better she'd feel if she dropped a few pounds and she just doesn't get it."

source

The guy is still walking today because I wasn't in the room when he shared that with my husband.

Truthfully, I've learned to not fire back when someone makes a statement like that. That would be like trying to nail jello to a wall...my words wouldn't stick! But in my mind, I would have had a thing or two to say.

What I might have said is...

"When was the last time you told your wife how beautiful she is?"

"How often do you let her know that her smile lights up a room?"

"Have you told her lately that you can't wait to come home at night and feel her arms around you?"

I'm no expert but I can tell you from experience that love blooms where it's planted. If you're planting seeds of 'not good enough' or 'disappointment' or even 'anger and resentment' then rest assured that's exactly the crop you'll get.'

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"Remember the little Valentine's Day cards you received as a kid? They were fun, friendly and playful. Some were signed, some weren’t. Some kids knew you, some didn’t. Flirt Keys are the grown-up version. Exchanging Flirt Keys creates an atmosphere comparable to Valentine’s Day, like back in the day, every day."

And just because you're married doesn't mean the FLIRTING should stop! Just the opposite!!

Flirt Greeting Cards understands that and wants to help you keep it going...or maybe help you get it going again!

Some things don't need further explanation!

These fun, flirty cards are 3 inch x 3 inch....perfect for slipping into someone's hand or pocket, in their lunch bag, in a book that they are reading, in their car...put it someplace that you know they will look.!

So - here's the deal - we want to hear YOUR best flirt story!! Did you do the flirting or were you the recepient? Leave it in the comment section. ♥

We'll choose the best entry and the winner can select her own Fav Five cards. 

Contest ends Friday, September 10th.

♥

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In between all these activities, we still had to carry on with 'regular life'...you know...work, keeping the house in order, grocery shopping, Wheel of Fortune (hey - some things never get bumped off the schedule).

Today's 'to-do' list is already a mile long and that doesn't even include the Labor Day picnic preparation or the challenges of issues that are anything but fun or festive.

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As I lay snuggled in my comfy bed this morning, enjoying those last few moments of semi-sleep, knowing I should already be up, I soon realized (again) why life is just so wonderful. I rolled over because I felt my husband sitting on the side of the bed. I peeked out of the covers to see him holding a cup of coffee with just the right amount of French Vanilla Creamer - just like he knows I like it. He kissed my cheek, then my forehead, then my lips in that sweet more than a peck but not the long-lingering 'this is going somewhere' kind of way.

I love this man. My 'to do' list may have just gotten a little longer!

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1. Be Organized

A little organization goes a long way in terms of saving you time and energy. Making a list of what needs to get done will help you prioritize your time and budget. Advance planning will help you make the most of both the expertise of the vendors and wedding professionals with whom you work, and the time and talents of friends and family who want to help out.

For example, when you go to a bridal salon to try on wedding gowns, don’t go in with no idea of what you’re looking for or what your budget is. Spend some time browsing through bridal magazines and cut out a few pictures of gowns you like. Think about what specifically you like about each one – is it the beading? The neckline? The silhouette? If you pick out your ideal dress but the salon doesn’t carry it or it isn’t flattering on your figure or you just can’t afford it, knowing the features you like will help your consultant find an alternative that appeals to you, flatters you, and fits your budget.

2. Be Realistic

Be realistic about your budget. You may have always dreamed of a guest list of 300 of your closest friends and family, or wearing a Pnina gown and hand-beaded Jimmy Choos, or arriving in a carriage pulled by six white horses, but are those plans realistic, given your budget? Are you willing to sacrifice other aspects of your wedding for that one perfect thing you just HAVE to have? Are you willing to take on thousands of dollars of debt for it? Be realistic about your budget and be ready to make those difficult decisions.

Be realistic about logistics. Maybe you’ve always wanted to get married at an intimate walled garden in your hometown, but there just won’t be room for your fiance’s eight siblings and their spouses plus all your sorority sisters plus the other 200 guests your parents insist be invited. Or maybe you’ve always wanted fourteen bridesmaids all carrying some rare flower that just isn’t available for your November wedding. Understand that you can’t change the laws of physics or nature just to suit your own whims.

3. Be Reasonable

It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of “It’s MY day, I should get everything I want,” even if everything comes at the expense of vendors and friends. Of course you want your bridesmaids to wear the dresses you’ve always imagined, but if those dresses happen to cost $750 and all three of your bridesmaids have just graduated from medical school AND live on the other side of the country, ask yourself if you’re being reasonable. If you plan on having a destination wedding, be reasonable about your expectations of who will attend – don’t be disappointed if you only have a handful of guests. Try putting yourself in the shoes of the people you’re dealing with – if you wouldn’t want to be asked to stay up making favors till 3am, or to pay to fly to Vegas for a bachelorette party, or to wear an unflattering dress, chances are your friends wouldn’t either.

Be reasonable when you’re dealing with vendors and wedding professionals, as well. Remember that they have handled dozens, hundreds, even thousands of weddings. They’ve seen much more than you have, and they have resources you can’t dream of. If you’re ready to be reasonable and listen to their suggestions, they can help you find compromises that will suit you and your budget. Your florist can suggest flowers similar to what you want but can’t afford or that aren’t in season for your wedding. Your caterer might know of a venue similar to your dream garden but that can seat twice as many guests. Your bridal salon consultant might have a dress style you hadn’t considered that will be more flattering than anything you’d imagined. If you’re willing to be reasonable, you’ll end up with fantastic resources you can tap into.

So remember: be organized, be realistic, and be reasonable, and then there’s no reason you can’t plan the wedding of your dreams with no stress, no strained friendships, and no burned bridges. And, just for the record, if at the end of your wedding day, you’re married to the man you love, your wedding was a success. Anything beyond that is just gravy.

                "What?"

He stares into my eyes with a look that only I am privileged to see, "I LOVE YOU."

A smile breaks across my face. We squeeze each other tightly, savoring the moment as if it were our first hug. Although held in his arms and wrapped in his love, my heart feels completely free.

Becoming one in marriage with my husband has not limited me, but liberated me!  Each time he reaffirms his love for me in his words or actions, I stand in awe of how someone could love me so much.  

I don't deserve it.

But in the security of his love my critical mind and doubts disappear.  My husband's love sets me free. Not that I was imprisoned before, but now I have an unmistakable picture of how God truly sees me. Many days I would try and please my Creator. I would strive to earn His love.  But now I understand ...

                I am free to be myself.

                     I am free to pursue the dreams on my heart.

                     I am free to live.

                     I am free to run.

                     I am free to experience all that God has for me.

Within love's safety net there is complete trust. Even in my imperfections there is redemption, grace, and reconciliation. I know my husband will not abandon me.

There are times of closeness, when we sway and move in rhythm, wrapping our arms around each other. There are times of distance, when he spins me out and I twirl around, with my dress blowing in the wind. There is freedom to have space and to be embraced. But we are always moving in unity, dancing to the beat of freedom.

Throughout our first year of marriage I can remember countless times where my husband's love lifted me out of my sadness and loneliness. His comforting words and reassuring hugs were exactly what I needed to get me through this season of change. I cried many too many tears and never once was did he tell me to get a hold of myself or push me away.  His love brought me near, but also gave me time to process all that was going on in my heart.  

Together and apart, up and down, near and far. Love never fails. Within the bounds of love I have found freedom.

I stand in awe.  

{How funny! Just as I concluded writing this, my husband walked through the door and said the very words I wrote at the beginning of this post! Oh how I love my man!}

But the question remains... how will I respond to his love?

How do you set your husband free to be himself and pursue all that's on his heart? Do you trust one another?

As we near the 2 year anniversary of the launch of She Just Got Married, I am overwhelmed, blessed and humbled by being able to be a small of the beginning of so many beautiful new relationships.  

I have also learned more than I ever imaged. The business is evolving into something that is beyond the original concept and in that process, I am also evolving.

I want to share something personal that's been on my heart for a while. I have been approached several times to promote different businesses and products on She Just Got Married, which is one of the goals of the business....advertising! I should be thrilled, right?

The truth is....I was challenged.  

One of the products I was contacted about was a book promoting "Christian Sex" - and it wasn't the first time I'd been contacted regarding similar businesses.  I'd like to share a portion of the original request to this one in particular and my response:

Dear Shejustgotmarried administrators,

I was truly blessed to come across your blog as I was researching the Christian marriage market. The reason for my email is a marketing proposal. I would like to offer you a lucrative opportunity to promote a new eBook that perfectly fits your market and list of subscribers.

Like you, I am someone in ministry with a burden to see marriages healed and strengthened, and I have found that Christian sex life is one of the key areas in this respect....

(My reply)...

Dear _______,

Thank you so much for contacting us. I'm thrilled you found our site.

I, like you, believe that this is a type of ministry. However, I tend to stay away from being labeled a "Christian" ministry...but more of a community of encouragement and empowerment for newlywed women. Do I believe in Jesus? Absolutely! But I have so many wonderful spiritual friends and family members who love God but call themselves by names other than Christian (or chose to have no label at all).

I believe the issues, joys, sorrows, challenges and triumphs of marriage are universal - just like parenting. A Jewish or Buddhist mother feels everything I do. The same is true for marriage - Hindu, Muslim, Christian, as well as those who don't feel the need to be a part of any religious organization - each long to have a fulfilled marriage relationship...the most intimate of relationships created. Sex is universal...and marital, intimate, fulfilling sex is for all couples.

So, on this basis I will have to decline your proposal. I hope this makes sense. I would never want to exclude those who are a part of our community who don't refer to themselves as "Christian" but want to connect with other newlywed women and grow in their own marriages. I love the idea that you are encouraging couples to actually ENJOY Sex! After all, God was the one who created orgasm!

I wish you and your wife many blessings in your ministry...and I hope you don't feel it a burden but a gift! ~ Sincerely, Denée King

As we all continue to grow and evolve, I hope you will find our community a place where all are welcome, free of exclusions and fully embracing the beauty of diversity.

Thank you for being a part of these past two years and I look forward to what the future has in store for all!

Love, Denée

Founder, She Just Got Married

     I just lo-o-ove reading personal ads.  You can sometimes learn more information about a person in one short ad than a psychiatrist could dig out of them after years of intense on-the-couch therapy.  And you don’t have to be Inspector Clouseau to figure out the full story in the following sales ad:
                   NORDIC TRACK - $300.  Hardly used. 
                                    Call Chubby


...or this one:
        FREE PUPPIES - Mother - AKC German Shepherd;
  Father - Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

...but, especially this one:
    COMPLETE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANICCA - 45 volumes.     Excellent condition.  $1,000 or best offer.  No longer needed.
         Got married last month - wife knows everything.

I don’t know everything (my guy would sure attest to that fact), but even I can see what’s going on in that relationship.  I’m predicting the guy’s next ad will be:  

                     WEDDING TUX - Used once...by mistake!

Ooooohh - a FUN giveaway!

Whether your special occasion is refined and traditional or as glam as it gets, Creative Custom Cardboxes will design a beautiful cardbox that fits your style perfectly! Your cards and gifts will remain safe and secure inside your box, which you can continue to use and display long afterwards.

Cardboxes are great for:

♥ Weddings

♥ Baby Showers

♥ Anniversary Parties

♥ Holidays

♥ Graduation

♥ Bar/Bat Mitzvahs

♥ Any occasion where cards are given!

Thank you to Marni Gold, creator of Creative Custom Cardboxes, for offering a fabulous $50.00 Gift Certificate to the winning entry.

♥ Here's how to enter to win ♥

Leave a comment (if you are not registered on SheJustGotMarried please include your email address)

Want MORE chances to win?

*one extra entry - Follow @SheJustGotMarri on Twitter AND  Retweet our Twitter Post

or

*one extra entry - post this giveaway on your Blog....include link to your blog post in the comment

or

DO ALL for a total of THREE (3) entries!

♥Good Luck♥

Contest ends August 31st

There's debate on the recipe for a good marriage, but the ingredients for a Jewish wedding are simple to remember: an appreciation for history, a glass to shatter, the ability to make that throaty "chh" noise, two chairs, and a sense of humor. I'm going to share the elements of a Jewish wedding as my husband and I chose to incorporate them at our wedding in June of 2009. 

Our wedding festivities started with a bedecken, which is the unveiling of the bride before the ceremony.  This is one of the many places where the appreciation for history comes in handy, because the reason for the bedecken is ancient history.  In the Old Testament Jacob discovered, after marrying the woman he thought was Rachel, that he had actually married Leah.  Of course this is no longer a common mistake, but we Jews do love our tradition!  After the groom has made absolutely positively sure that he's about to marry the right woman, he recites a Hebrew blessing given to Rebecca (If you're counting, there are now 3 women involved in this story -- no wonder it gets confusing!) before her marriage: "Our sister, be thou the mother of thou-sands of ten thousands".

Immediately following the bedecken, the bride, groom, and two witnesses signed the ketubah.  The ketubah is basically an ancient prenup, the purpose of which is to prevent the husband from divorcing his wife against her will -- in ancient times, this was acceptable. Today, the ketubah is more of a formality, a display of tradition, and the chance for the new couple to have some meaningful art in their new home. There are thousands of beautifully decorated ketubahs available on the internet, but we chose to use some basic graphic design to replicate my husband's great-great grandparents' simple ketubah.

After our ketubah signing, the actual wedding ceremony began.  Our ceremony lasted about 20 minutes and had a few notable moments. These are only a few of the components of the ceremony, and not all of these happen in every wedding:

The chuppah

There's that pesky, phlegm-y sounding "ch" noise that no one outside the Jewish faith can seem to pronounce correctly.  The wedding ceremony takes place beneath a chuppah, a canopy that represents the couple's new home. These can range anywhere from a simple prayer shawl tied to four poles, to million dollar structures encrusted with jewels and flowers.  Ours was somewhere in the middle.

Seven circles
In some Jewish weddings, the ceremony begins with the bride circling the groom seven times.  There are several interpretation of this tradition:

1) This parallels the seven days of creation, and symbolizes the fact that the bride and groom are about to create their own "new world" together.
2) Seven circles correspond to the seven times in the Torah where it is written "...and when a man takes a wife."
3) When Joshua led the Children of Israel in the battle for the city of Jericho, he was instructed to circle the city seven times, resulting in the walls of the city crumbling. As two people enter into marriage, they face the challenge of breaking down the "walls" that may exist between them.

Other couples prefer to interpret that by circling the groom, the bride is creating the figurative walls of their new home; a symbol of protecting her future husband.  At our wedding, we chose to split the duties: I circled my husband three times, he circled me three times, and then we walked in a circle together.  This was not only symbolic of how chores will work in our future home; this shift in tradition is becoming more common as our society becomes more egalitarian.

The breaking of the glass

At the end of the ceremony, before the kiss, the groom stomps down onto a glass, shattering it into thousands of pieces as the congregation shouts "Mazel tov!"  As with the rest of our traditions, there are several interpretations.  One of the widespread interpretations relates to the destruction of the Temple. The breaking of the glass serves as a reminder of the destruction, and reminds us that life will bring sadness as well as joy.

Our wedding reception was like any other wedding reception, with the exception of one song.  If you know one thing about Judaism, it is probably the tune to hava nagila, a Hebrew folk song that translates to 'let us rejoice' and lift people up in chairs. ♥ This is the point in the Jewish wedding where the chairs will come in handy, and the sense of humor probably couldn't hurt either -- there is potential for you to tumble out of your chair and land headfirst with your wedding dress around your shoulders.

Mazel tov!!

Thank you Daci Spielberger-Platt for sharing this beautiful story of the Jewish wedding celebration with us. Daci and her husband are currently live in Louisiana where she says she is "trying to decide what to do with my life. While doing so, I talk to my dog and write about it." You can read all about her newlywed life at her blog "We're Just Dandy". 

My husband and I recently moved across country. New career, new house, new weather....new everything.  The adjustment to this new location has been so much harder than I ever imagined. I love to travel and I've always been that 'adventurous' girl. But I guess it's because I always knew that I would return 'home'.

I miss my friends, my network of business associates, my mom and I even miss the hot, humid predictable weather.  I miss everything.

Friends of ours were getting married last week which gave us the opportunity to travel back to the city we have recently moved from. While we were making plans to travel I kept making reference to 'going back home'.  I was so excited to be going....home.

But I wasn't going home. My home is with my husband...in this new city.

Does it really matter what I call it?

I think it does.

He needs to know that when I think of going 'home' it's where he and I are....together.

I'm still in the city we moved from but I'm visiting friends and family. On Sunday my husband and I will get on an airplace and travel back to the new city where we live. And together, we'll go 'home'. ♥

"Kiss me down by the broken tree house

Swing me upon its hanging tire...

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me..."

But kiss me is not only a contemporary song, it is also a poignant line of poetry in the Song of Songs. The very first words of the young woman are, "Kiss me again and again for you love is sweeter than wine."

Although poetic rhymes and lyrical songs are not the way my husband and I normally speak to one another, kiss me is something we can all learn to utter frequently and regularly to our man. Over the past few weeks I have been rediscovering the power of this romantic command, kiss me, in my own marriage.

Behind the lyrical line of kiss me are a few lessons I've learned that will benefit you as well!  

Kiss me is quick. In one second, I have communicated to my husband that I want him, not only physically, but also as my best friend and lover.  In just two words I have told him that I need him, adore him, and love his touch.  

Kiss me is also convenient. There is no need to wait for a special time or even an intimate place. It's discreet enough to do anywhere- at a party with friends, visiting family, in the movies, over dinner, or even at church ;)

Romantic moments are not as distant as I think! Kiss me has a way of saying, "We now interrupt your daily programming to bring you this special announcement!" Romance does not just happen in bed, when the house is clean, or after friends have left. Kiss me sparks spontaneity and spice within my marriage, reminding me that anytime is a good time to communicate love to my husband!

Although kiss me starts out as a simple expression of passionate pursuit of my husband, it will most definitely draw us both in for more! Kiss me is not just stating a desire for two lips to come together, but it is proclaiming the passion of two hearts that are staying together. Forever.

More than a cute song, or a little phrase, kiss me actually has the power to sweep our marriage up in a whirlwind of child-like love.

Don't believe me? Just try it.

Next time you are in the presence of your man, just say "kiss me" - whether it's in a whisper, or with a smile, in the car, or in the grocery store, I guarantee what happens next will be like sprinkles on a cupcake- an extra sweet surprise.  

 So pucker up ladies...these two little words are just as necessary as "I'm sorry!" :)

Want to see what her custom designed sign looks like? Of course you do! ♥

How perfect is that? They were able to match their damask print as well as their colors and create something truly unique for Nichole & Vince.

What a great gift this would make too! So if you want one for your special day or as a gift to make someone else's day really fun just talk to Kelly at Just Married Signs Only and she'll make it happen! ♥

The second woman found a rocking chair that was also beautiful and comfortable, but being a bit more cautious than the first woman, she sat in the chair and gave it a few rocks. She could hear a little squeak coming from the chair, but it was so comfortable and so beautiful that she thought to herself, “I’m sure I can fix that squeak once I get the chair home.” So she bought the chair and set it up on her porch. But like the first woman, the longer she rocked the louder and more annoying the squeak became. So she went into her house and came back with a can of oil and carefully squirted the chair all over. But still the chair squeaked. So she gave up and abandoned the chair on her porch in frustration.

The third woman, however, was very wise. She saw a beautiful and comfortable chair just like the one the first woman had bought, but when she sat and rocked in it, it squeaked. “I can do better than that,” she thought. Then she saw another beautiful and comfortable chair just like the one the second woman had bought, and when she sat and rocked in it for a bit, it began to squeak as well. “Surely I can do better than that,” she thought. At long last, in the far corner of the shop, she saw a less beautiful-looking rocking chair. She pulled it out of the corner and dusted it off a bit, and sat in it for a moment. The chair was very comfortable and pleasant. And when she began to rock, it was as silent as silent could be. And no matter how long she rocked or how closely she listened, not a squeak came from the chair. So the wise woman brought it home, put it on her porch, and spent many a happy evening rocking quietly in her beloved chair.

And here is the meaning of the parable: The first woman’s chair is like a marriage in which the partners don’t take the time to get to know each other well first. The more you know about each other, the less likely you are to discover a “disagreeable squeak” further down the road. The second woman’s chair is like a marriage in which the partners see a problem, but figure they can always fix it later. It’s always better to be sure the disagreeable squeak is fixable before you get it home. And the third woman’s chair is like a solid marriage in which the partners worry less about surficial things and are more concerned with making sure the partnership is a good fit. If there wasn’t a squeak to begin with, you can be pretty sure that any squeak that develops later on is fixable.

Fortunately, I’ve been wise (or lucky) enough to rarely get myself in a situation with H where an apology is required. I strive to always treat him with respect, so it’s not often that I bungle things badly enough to require an apology. But when I do put my foot in it and I’m in the wrong, I say so. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun, and there are times when I’d rather stick myself in the eye with a hot poker, but once I grit my teeth and honestly admit to my sweetie that I was wrong and I’m sorry, the resulting feeling of “clean slate-ness” is worth every second of humility. And it reminds me that I don’t want to put myself into that situation again.

And the best part of any apology is that it really closes the book on whatever the disagreement was. Offering an apology is admitting that you were wrong and your partner was right, and his accepting that apology is erasing that wrong from memory and starting over with a clean slate. But a half-hearted apology is like not really wiping the slate all the way clean. You know those white boards in your office that never really get completely washed so eventually there’s a trace of the last five meetings still up there?

That’s what it’s like if an apology isn’t sincerely offered or accepted. Eventually things build up and get messy all over again. But if you wipe the board completely clean each time, there’s no chance of ugly buildup, just a nice clean starting point every time.

And isn’t it always fun to start off with a nice clean slate?

Too cute!!

The following questions were asked to a group of kids....

1. How do you decide who you should marry?

You  got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.   --  Alan, age 10 
 
-No  person really decides before they grow up who they're  going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.   --  Kristen, age  10    


2.  WHAT IS  THE RIGHT AGE TO GET   MARRIED?   
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.  --   Camille, age 10   


3.  HOW CAN A  STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE   MARRIED?   
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --  Derrick, age  8   


4.  WHAT DO  YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN  COMMON?   
Both  don't want any more kids.    --  Lori,  age 8   


5.  WHAT DO  MOST PEOPLE DO ON A  DATE?   
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.   --  Lynnette, age  8    
 
-On  the first date, they just tell each other lies and that  usually gets them interested enough to go for a second  date.  
--  Martin, age  10    


6.  WHEN IS  IT OKAY TO KISS  SOMEONE?    
-When  they're rich.   --  Pam, age  7 
 
-The  law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to  mess with that.  -  - Curt, age   7
   
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you  should marry them and have kids with them. It's the  right thing to do.  -  - Howard,  age 8   


7.    IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR   MARRIED?   
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.  
--  Anita, age 9   


8.  HOW  WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE  DIDN'T  GET  MARRIED?    
There  sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?   --  Kelvin, age 8   

And   the #1 Favorite is.......   

9.  HOW  WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE   WORK?    
Tell  your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. --  Ricky, age  10   

In this economy, I suspect that more and more couples have to face the hard decision of “Should we move?” Jobs can be hard to come by and sometimes the lure of an opportunity is too strong to resist. And it’s not always easy, especially for newlyweds (or about-to-be-weds) to make that decision. Is the financial benefit worth the difficulty that one or more members of the family might have to endure? What sort of factors should a couple (or a family) take into account when thinking about relocating?

Now, I’m not claiming to be an expert, by any means. I lived in the same house from when I was born until I went away to college, and since then I’ve lived in four or five other places that were all less than an hour or so away from where I grew up. But I’ve certainly visited plenty of other places, both within the U.S. and abroad, so I think I have a pretty good sense of what can make living in a new place hard.

One thing to consider if you’re moving for a job is what will happen to the other person who doesn’t have a job lined up. Will you be able to transfer jobs through an existing employer or will you be job-hunting? Do you have any connections in your field near where you’ll be moving? Are there even jobs similar to what you have now that are likely to be available? If not, are you willing to look for a job in a different field? How are the salaries in the new area, and how fast is your industry growing there? Something else to keep in mind as you’re exploring these options is the cost of living in your new area. If all the jobs similar to your current job only pay two-thirds your current salary, that might not be a problem if your mortgage payment and weekly grocery bills will be two-thirds of what you’re paying now. And don’t forget to consider the reverse: you may be able to get a job with a similar salary but your mortgage and grocery bills will be a third higher than they used to be. Be sure to think about your overall financial picture when you’re considering a move.

Another very important factor that a lot of people don’t think about (or at least, don’t think is that important) is how different the culture might be in a new place. If you’re used to living in the city where you can walk to get groceries or to the gym or to go out to dinner, and you can take the bus to work, and you haven’t even met most of your neighbors, you’re in for a bit of culture shock if you move to a rural area where the nearest grocery is 45 minutes by car, your neighbors drop in unannounced just to chat a couple of times a week, there isn’t a gym in the entire county, and the bus only comes through on alternate Thursdays. You might discover you love that new lifestyle, but you’re more likely to learn to love it if you have some idea of what to expect going in.

Change is always hard, even when it’s exciting and planned change. Marriage is a perfect example of that – it’s something you’re beyond excited about, something you’ve been looking forward to, something you’ll never regret doing – but it’s still something that takes a little getting used to. And moving is a lot like that – it takes some getting used to, but if you think it through carefully before you make the commitment, and if you’re willing to put in some time, patience, and hard work, you might just find it’s one of the most wonderful changes you’ve ever made! Especially since you and your sweetie are in it together.

The next day we were in full swing wedding-day-mode which included a little alteration of my own dress (because it wouldn't make sense to do it ahead of time...it's way more exciting to wait until the last minute, right?). 

The bride, Kristen, wore a Mon Cheri gown. I love that she chose this one because she was at my house looking through the very first issue of Get Married ever published (fall 2009). While she was flipping through the pages of beautiful photos and bride-to-be eye candy, she saw that very dress and said "that's it! That's the one I want". And, indeed, it was the one she chose. It was absolutely stunning! The dress had a removeable bustle that allowed her to dance the night away with ease.

It was a perfect evening and in the end....no one thought about all the craziness that had just taken place the day before. These...are the things we do for love. ♥

These are just a couple of sneek peek photos. More to come when the professional ones are ready.

Venice, Tuscany, Rome, Sicily. No...I'm not reading "Eat, Pray, Love". I'm dreaming of Italy and all the dreamy romance just saying the word evokes.

"Dream Wedding Italy is a luxury wedding services company based in Italy, offering the very best Italian wedding locations and services to couples coming from overseas to get married. We view ourselves as partners with our customers, our wedding venues and our suppliers. We aim to offer the best possible wedding planning services across the whole of Italy. Our goal is to make your dream wedding day perfect."

A country rich in history, ambiance, art and architecture definitely makes Italy a dream wedding desitination.

Tuscany is a land of rolling green hills, stunning cities including Florence, Siena and Pisa and rich red wine produced in the bountiful vineyards across the region. One of Italy's best known regions, Tuscany is the perfect destination for a wedding immersed in natural beauty, culture and cuisine.

The villas and castles of the region are wonderful venues for wedding receptions of all kinds, providing an elegant and tranquil atmosphere in breathtaking surroundings.

Castello San Marco (Sicily)            Castello Camemi (Sicily)      

Villa Grazioli (Rome)

So if a wedding in Italy has always been your dream...dream no more! Contact Dream Wedding Italy and let them take care of all the details.

source

Everyone wants to have sex. It's one of our most primal instincts. But humans are the only species that 'make love'.  This is not breaking news, I know! But isn't that why we have chosen a marriage partner...because of the love that sets us apart from the animals?

That's why I was really kind of sad when I read a blog recently entitled "I Want a Lover" written by a woman who describes herself as "having an uncanny ability to predict the future."  I find that ironic.

She starts out by saying:

"I want a lover who can keep up with me sexually. My tastes are refined and my skills have been honed over years of practicing my craft. I do not want to waste my talents on someone who is not bringing to the table the same skill set I have. I'm not in my 20's any more, no learning curves are being passed out. I believe it is true, once you reach your 30's you really start to hit your stride sexually."

I'm not downplaying the desire for intense, passionate, creative, erotic sex. Bring it on!

She goes on to list, in quite explicit detail, what she wants - demands, actually. But she puts at ease the minds of any would be lovers by stating ... "Yeah...My expectations for a lover are very high but in return he is getting a very salacious lover". In sales talk that's a great ROI (return on investment) if you're trying to close the deal.

source

But after a night of sexual innovation, "bodies which now have mingled scents - the height of pheromonic ecstasy" and "lecherous satisfaction" (all words and phrases she uses throughout the post) what will she have? A lover?

Does she really want a 'lover'?

Of course she does. We all want and need love. And I sense that she knows deep in her soul that a lover is so much more than a sexual partner. She gives herself away by saying ... "I want him to know true intimacy comes from eye contact, kissing, touching..."

True intimacy.  And all the, skills, craftiness and talent in the world can't begin to give you what you crave most... intimacy... love.

I commend her for being honest in her title because while she covers it up with eloquent, skillfully crafted language, she wants what we all want - someone to love who loves us in return. A lover.

source

Here's what Britni, a newlywed herself, said after receiving her copy of "Our First Year" ~

"I received the Our First Year Cookbook as a gift from my mom and absolutely LOVE it! My husband and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary in May and this is the perfect cookbook for newlyweds, couples or young adults. I especially love all of the little tidbits of information inside such as party planning ideas, cooking tips and gift ideas."

Written by Jaclyn Douma who married her husband, Jeff, in September, 2007. Awwww....look how cute they are!! Jaclyn chronicles her life as a newlywed learning to cook for two at Sugar N Spice Life.

♥Here's how you can win your FREE copy♥

Leave a comment (if you are not registered on SheJustGotMarried then include your email address)

Want MORE chances to win?

*one extra entry - Follow @SheJustGotMarri on Twitter and Retweet

or

*one extra entry - post this giveaway on your Blog....include link to your blog post in the comment

or

DO ALL for a total of THREE (3) entries!

♥Good Luck♥

*Drawing will be on August 5th*

My husband had managed to turn routine into romance! Normal into notable! And the everyday into exciting!

All it took was a few minutes, some post-it notes, and a whole lot of thoughtfulness. In different places around the house he had placed little love notes for me to find!

I opened my computer soon after I got home and smiled,  

                I LOVE YOU... you alone.

As I was putting groceries in the cupboard, I saw this one hanging up,

                Thank you for being the BEST wife in the world!

Later, I went to finish the laundry and on top of the washing machine I read,

                Thank you for taking care of me!

I thought to myself, "It's really all worth it!" You see, even after a year of marriage, the fluttery feelings about being a wife are already waning. All too often I feel like I am lacking a worthy purpose in my life. Cleaning the house, washing the clothes, and taking care of my husband hardly seem like important jobs, they are more monotonous than momentous.

But this,

THIS

Little act of love and appreciation spoke a thousand words straight into my heart.

After I had found three of the post-it notes he had written, I went to my husband and excitedly asked, "Is there more?!"

With a sparkle in his eye, he replied, "There is more, but you have to find them."

About an hour later I found one stuck to the bathroom mirror,

I love looking into your beautiful face every morning.

 That was all I needed to make me run downstairs and give him a huge hug. He left for the gym soon after that, and as he left he announced, "Now, there is just one more!"

I love surprises so much that I can't keep them a surprise for very long- I had to find the last note! Immediately, I knew where he might have hidden the last one. I ran upstairs to the bed, peeled back the covers, and there on the pillow was the last post-it note love letter! This one made my heart stop. I think I probably blushed too.

But I will leave it to your wild imagination to figure out what he had written there ;)

I recap this story, to remind us all that the seemingly trivial acts of love are actually vital to maintaining a healthy marriage. Something like sticking post-it notes around the house seems simple and effortless. But that's exactly what I am learning! Romance does not always have to include a five course meal at an extravagant restaurant, or a three day trip to the Bahamas. In fact, after one year of marriage I am realizing the significance of the little things.

Hugging during the day. Long kisses in the morning. Going for a walk.

Buying his favorite candy bar. Writing "I love you" on the mirror with lipstick.

Making him breakfast. Calling him to just to let him know you miss him.

Writing him romantic text messages. Giving him a back massage.  

Hiding plain yellow post-it love notes all around the house.

The possibilities are endless! Demonstrating love to our husbands does need a special occasion; it just starts with a little thought!  Even our husband needs regular reminders that he is appreciated, loved, and noticed for who he is and what he does.

Romantic moments don't need to wait for Valentine's Day! Squeeze in loving acts wherever you can throughout each day! You might be amazed at much joy and fun it brings to the both of you. And not to mention what it leads to at the end of a long day ;)

What simple ways do you surprise your husband?

Or do you need some fresh ideas?!

With their new line of bridal necklaces, I am so convinced these women are onto something! Check them out here .... http://www.bashfulbliss.com/Bride_Necklaces.html

The best part is, they can customize any necklace with your name, monograms for bridesmaid and flower girl gifts, and your wedding colors. What a fun way to proudly share that you are the bride, bridesmaid, or MOH? ...and the best part, they are so affordable!

Here are some of their bridal necklaces:  (...and be sure to check them out at bashfulbliss.com for more fun designs!)

Since our blog is a Community Blog the posts are written by several different women so we had to bend some of the rules and quite frankly, that made it even that much more fun.  So here we go!!!

♥Your first post:  Jan 6, 2009 - we were just learning what blogging was all about and....how much fun a FLIP CAM could be!  This was from one of the first Wedding Shows we ever participated in. It was titled "Pick Out A White Dress....Baby Just Say YES" .

♥A post you enjoyed writing the most - Why Sex is Like Cooking. This one was written by Sandy Philpott whose Blog Title is"An Older Bride". The comparisons are brilliant but the coolest thing about this post is that while it was floating around in cyber-space it ended up in the hands of someone who translated it in Iranian and posted it on a website called Balatarin, which describes itself as "the most popular web 2.0 website written in Persian.  Balatarin helps its users to find the best links on the Internet that interest Iranians around the world. "

♥A post which had a great discussion - The Real Breakfast of Champions. I don't want to spoil the story but Charissa Steyn, whose Blog Title is "The Messy Business of Romance", is not talking about cereal!  

  ♥A post on someone else's blog that you wish you'd written - Why I Don't Initiate Sex with My Wife More Often . Ok, so I don't really wish I'd written this one myself but I wish newlywed women knew this information from the beginning of their marriages. We always want to know what our husbands are thinking and guess what? Stu Gray of The Marry Blogger lets us all know and...you might be surprised to find out it's not so easy.

♥Your most helpful post -Ten Ways To Beat The Post Wedding Blues was written by Kirsten from Southern California who goes by the name "Newlywed on the Beach".  After all the hours, money, and passion you'd put into planning your wedding what do you do if you feel a little....well, let down? Her answers are fabulous!

♥A post with a title that you are proud of "The Secret to a Great marriage? Great Socks!" Come on...you gotta admit it's a nice use of double entendre!

♥A post that you wish more people had read - Complaints Into Compliments. Inspired (maybe more like disgusted) by watching a short lived show called "The Marriage Ref" "Mimi", who writes under the title "Love Lessons Learned.....More or Less", points out, what should be, the obvious but obviously....is not!

So what do you think? I, personally, had FUN looking back and taking a stroll down memory lane and I hope you did too!

Unfortunately, after nearly one year of marriage I have had to learn the truth of this statement the hard way. I have spent hours and days letting my emotions control me and my reactions towards my husband.  

As I think back over the past year of marriage my mind fills with images of ruined dates, and the grudges I held against my husband while on long grueling car rides. I remember the nights we went to bed sleeping as far away from each other as we could get in our little double bed. I reflect on the moments of immaturity when I stomped out of rooms on him or refused to hug him for a whole day.

All of these moments are painful, shameful, and not to mention, just plain miserable!  I am held captive by my wounded heart. Life stops. I refuse to move on until I feel like my husband has been adequately punished for the way he has treated me.

In these moments I always think he is the one suffering. Wrong!  My grudges, unforgiving heart, and anger only make me suffer! I am sure you know the feeling?

We think we can go on with life, work, and our relationships, but if things are not right with hubby, let's just be honest, everything is tainted! Our thoughts are consumed with anger. Our eyes are red from crying. The worry creases across our foreheads are more evident. Life seems to come to a standstill. It doesn't make us beautiful, nor is it fun to let our emotions get the best of us.

Thus the reason I have adopted my new marriage motto, "It's just easier to be happy!" 

Marriage provides 24/7 opportunities for us to put this little statement to the test! Take for instance this morning...

After we were done eating breakfast, my husband looked at me with a suspicious gaze. He pulled my face close to his, and instead of coming in for a kiss, he inspected my teeth!  Appalled, he explained I had food stuck between every crack and crevice of my pearly whites. I couldn't believe it! I shrugged it off as no big deal, knowing that I was about to go brush my teeth anyways, but deep down I felt hurt. {Yep, it's really that easy to feel hurt in marriage!}

As I marched up the stairs to check out the situation, I felt slightly embarrassed that I had disgusted my husband.  I smiled in the mirror and saw exactly what he was talking about, it was true. After a thorough brush and floss, my teeth had gained back their glimmering glow. It felt good to be clean. But even more important, it felt good to be happy!

My husband's honesty could have provoked me to anger and frustration. {It nearly did!} I could have held onto his remark and let it fester into a lie that he is a mean and unloving husband. {Even though I regularly tell him about the crumbs in the corner of his mouth or his bad breath.}  But instead, I saw through his disgust to his heart. I was thankful that he loved me enough to tell me the truth.

My march to the mirror, revealed the truth, just like marriage reveals what's really in my heart. We are forced to come face to face with the reality- who are we and where is the plaque in our lives?

When I see ugly plaque staring back at me in the mirror, I don't just leave it there. I do something about it! With a smile on my face I go to work taking out the buildup of food and who knows what else!

However in marriage, I most often have been known to do just the opposite. I get angry about what I see, I don't smile, and meanwhile I let hurts and frustrations build up inside of me.

Being married gives us daily opportunities to become a better person. But in order for that to happen we must put a smile on our face. We must march up to that mirror and...

choose joy.

Everything from insignificant disagreements to a full-on war can be seen as an opportunity to grow into the wife we are called to be. But it only happens when we make a decision to not let our emotions get the last word.

Choosing joy in our marriage means that we realize it's easier to be happier. The sun shines a little brighter. We feel a little prettier. Our husbands seem a little bit sweeter.

So next time your marriage brings up some plaque in your life. Take it as an opportunity to become a more beautiful wife. With a smile on your face, choose joy. Life is just easier that way anyways!

Just Married Signs Only will create a one of a kind sign especially for you using your wedding colors, theme and photos to create a gorgeous sign that only you will have.  ♥

But you can WIN your very own!!

Leave a comment ....Ta Da....you are entered to win!! Drawing will be next Wednesday, July 28th.

Want MORE chances to win?

*one extra entry - post this giveaway on Twitter ...include your Twitter name in the comment

or

*one extra entry - post this giveaway on your Blog....include your blog post in the comment

or

DO BOTH for a total of THREE (3) entries!

♥Good Luck♥

Are you a night owl married to an early bird? Maybe you're the one up with the sun while your husband's habits are decidedly nocturnal. Different bedroom schedules can rob you of important quality time together. Going to bed at the same time allows you to connect in more ways than one - you get in sync physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and gain valuable cuddling time at the beginning and end of the day.

There are always going to be days - even weeks - when life goes by so fast you feel like roommates, not lovers. When you make a shared bedtime an essential part of your daily ritual, you ensure that you and your partner have some time each day to rekindle your passion for each other.

Really make an effort to turn in together, as hard as it may sound. It's one of the best choices you can make for a good night's sleep and gives you and your partner a moment for each other. Make a point to snuggle when you first get into bed. Connect, touch, and talk. After a little while, if one person wants to go to sleep, the other can read, write in a journal, or quietly listen to music with headphones. Eye masks and reading lights make it easy to avoid disturbing the other person.

Strengthen and maintain the bond between you by hitting the sheets together, each and every night. Sweet dreams!

*Repost - original article by Dr. Laura Berman*

source - Janet is Hungry Blog

Bacon and Cream Cheese Roll-Ups

1/2 loaf white sandwich bread (square slices are best)
1 8oz package of cream cheese, softened
1 clove garlic minced
1 tsp italian seasoning blend
1 tsp dried parsley flakes
1/8 tsp pepper
1 lb bacon

1. Mix together the cream cheese, garlic, seasoning, parsley and pepper until well blended.

2. Cut the bacon slices in half.

3. Cut the crusts off the bread, and spread each slice evenly with cream cheese (I use about a heaping tablespoon per slice, then cut each slice of bread into 3 strips.

4. Roll up each strip of bread and wrap with 1/2 slice of bacon. Secure with a toothpick. I usually just keep going until I run out of bacon. This usually takes about 1/2 a loaf the bread and most of the cream cheese mixture. If you have leftover cream cheese, it is great spread on crackers or toasted bagels.

5. At this point, you can go ahead and bake them, or you can stash them in the fridge or the freezer to bake later (if baking from frozen, add about 5-10 minutes to your cooking time).

6. Bake at 375F for 15-20 minutes until the bacon is crisp. Drain on paper towels for about 5 minutes to cool a bit, and serve.

These beautiful Bridal Portraits of newlywed, Britain Paulk, were taken by photographer and friend, Taylor Hood. 

♥This one is her hubby's favorite!♥

Charlie joined her in scanning the restaurant and saw couples texting or emailing someone besides their dinner partner.  One man was engrossed in a newspaper while his companion nervously inspected her napkin.  One couple had each brought a book and were reading while they ate.

My cousin lamented, “It’s like they aren’t even together!  I don’t want us to be like that.”

“What do you want us to do?”  Charlie asked.
“Let’s talk,” she suggested.
“About what?”
“Anything!  Even if we have to pretend we’re having a conversation!”
“Well, blah, blah, blah,” Charlie offered, with a grin.
“And blah, blah, blah, to you,” she answered, giggling.
“She-baba, she-baba, she-baba.”  Charlie was clearly getting into the game.
“Polly-wolly doodle all the day,” she countered, unable to stifle her laughter.
That conversation continued like that until they both had tears streaming, breathless from laughing so hard.

By that time, people around them had noticed their laughter and their obvious enjoyment of each other’s company and soon those people began talking about them and laughing themselves.  That encouragement only spurred my cousin and her husband in their infectious silliness until people all over the restaurant were talking and laughing together.

I died laughing myself, just hearing that story.  And I do sooooo agree with my cousin...I never want to sit at a table with my man and ignore each other as if we were actually alone.

So, look around you the next time you and your honey are out at a restaurant. You’ll notice those couples who are calling or texting someone else, or who just don’t seem to have anything to say to each other, or who are simply “alone together.”   Don’t let that be you.  Remember this funny true story when you and your sweetie go out to a restaurant.  For the short tome you’re dining out together, give each other your undivided attention.  Laugh together, share bites of food, and by all means, talk together!

I love to hear stories of how couples met. Back in 'the good ol' days' no one met over the internet because, well....it didn't exist! It was so interesting to learn how my parents met and even my grandparents!

But here's one for ya (try to keep up with the twists and turns).....

A friend of mine 'met' his girlfriend because his mom was Facebook friends with her first. But the story is even more interesting because his mom didn't really know this girl personally. They met through a mutual friend....on Facebook! So really...they were just Facebook Friends.

Are you following this?

SO...the mom says to her son (who just happened to be in town over Christmas visiting his mom)...."you should friend this girl on Facebook...she is so funny!"

Now the truth is....the mom was NOT trying to set them up. Her son lived in NY and her Facebook friend lived in Atlanta (where the mom lived). So son and girl become Facebook friends and....well, the rest, as we say, is history. The son moved back to Atlanta and and the two have been dating now for 6 months. ♥

So....how did you and your guy meet?

He wakes me up from my nap 45 minutes later, not half hour like I said, but what drove me more insane is the way he woke me up. 

He just bought an iPad.  Well, there are a lot of "fun" apps available for the iPad, one of them being the Vuvuzela app.  In case you don't know, a vuvuzela is a stadium horn.  These are mainly used for soccer games so if you caught glimpses of the world cup, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  They are SUPER DUPER annoying.  

Example:

Well, the marketing people who work for Apple applications department thought it would be awesome to have an app for the iPad where the picture of a vuvuzela is in the middle and everytime you press it, it makes the annoying buzzing sound. 

Well, the hubs thought it would be fun to wake me up using his little nifty vuvuzela app. 

It is NOT fun waking up to that  horn noise after taking a nice relaxing nap!!!  So, now I have to get him back when he's sleeping.  I'll let you know if I win that battle!

Nope...that's not a misspelled word. Invitastions™ are the are the yummy off-spring of stationery designer Erin Nowak and Jen Comfort. Sweet Talk Boutique...your home for edible invitations! ♥

Jennifer Comfort, owner and sugar artist at She Takes The Cake, introduced the fabulous idea of an edible invitation to Erin Nowak and it was immediately that the Invitastion was born! Jen is your baker; bringing the edible aspect to this exciting new way to get the word out to your guests.

Erin Nowak, owner and graphic artist extraordinaire of Bride Design, designs the stunning invites that these cookies deliver to your guests. It is Erin's attention to detail, amazing illustrations and bubbly enthusiasm that provide the perfect touch to the Invitastions. She is the paper and pen to Jen's butter and sugar.

♥A printed cardstock version of the invite or greeting is ALWAYS included with every single Invitastion^TM. So go ahead... eat the cookie, keep the sentiment!!♥

It may seem like a goofy thing to do, but it really forces me to focus on why I love him, what I appreciate about him, and what makes our relationship special. When I’m making a list like the ones listed above, I really concentrate on that particular aspect of our relationship and think about what makes it (and us) unique. It makes me happy because I’m thinking about all the positives in our relationship, and it makes him happy because he sees all the positives I see in our relationship. It may be kind of goofy, but it’s positive and uplifting.

And I think in many ways, the fact that it’s kind of goofy makes it even more special. If I loved or trusted H any less than I do, I’d be concerned that he would think my lists were dumb. But I know he loves me, and the way I think, and because of that he loves and appreciates my lists – and he would never think they’re dumb, because they’re from my heart.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think there’s a list I need to finish writing.

There has been so much going on these past few months and it's just insane.  Work had me travelling so much then personal time was being taken away because of work.  Stupid work!  I wish I didn't have to work at all because it gets in the way of super important things like blogging and watching my TV shows!

So, I'm back to blogging about my crazy life that I live with the hubs.  Remember him?  He talks in his sleep. He farts and traps me under the sheets so I can't get away.  Yeah that guy!  Does he sound familiar to you?  Don't lie to me, I'm sure he does!  You probably have a hubs too that does the same thing.  It's ok to be honest.  I won't tell him, I promise!

So, yeah I'm back and glad to start bringing you some ridiculous stories about being a "married girl."  There should have been a book entitled "Married life isn't all it's cracked up to be so make sure you blog about it so you can keep yourself sane."  

Let's start this off with letting you all know that despite the hubs annoying habits, I do LOVE him very dearly.  He is annoying and lovable.  How that happens I have no idea but it actually somehow works. 

So, are you ready to get the giggles??????  Because you might just pee in your pants with the stuff that happens to me as a wife.  

Make sure you wear Depends because it would be embarrassing for you if you are sitting at your computer and you pee'd your pants because you were reading one of my crazy funny posts about how I farted like a maniac the other night (I had mucho gas and it needed to come out of my belly!) and the hubs actually seemed a bit disgusted.  Ha!  To me, it was payback for all his nuclear farts I have to endure.  Husbands. Can't live with them and can't live without them.  Go fig!

Comments are always welcomed!  I will gladly laugh with you or at myself from my stories. 

Couples planning to be married can bid for wedding-related auction items online starting in October or at a Blissful Wishes Balls Nationwide in November, with all proceeds benefiting  Wish Upon a Wedding .This new organization is the world's first nonprofit that provides weddings for individuals facing life-threatening illness.

Wish Upon a Wedding is currently seeking donated products or services in 46 cities, ranging from wedding gowns to tuxedos, invitations to cakes, and limousine services to honeymoons. It only takes a moment to register and make a difference in someone's life at  https://www.biddingforgood.com/auction/AuctionHome.action?auctionId=115386483

Be sure to add your item to the correct category (city), and don't forget to include your company logo and URL.  What a great advertising opportunity~ and you'll be making a positive difference in someone's life who truly deserves it!

"I traditionally forget, and she traditionally gets mad. I traditionally buy her something expensive to make up for it, and she traditionally tells me that I'm not completely off the hook, but accepts the gift anyway. Then she traditionally reminds me of it every chance she gets...lol"

I love this response!  I know I am this girl in our marriage sometimes, and apparently I am in good company!  So, outside of this tradition if my sweet hubby fails to remember our first anniversary, what are some other fun things we could incorporate into our celebration?

These were the words that Laura Munson's husband told her after 20 years of marriage. Her reaction?

"His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, "I don't buy it." Because I didn't."

source

I quickly Googled her name and found this interview with her on Good Morning America. I had to pause the interview and listen again to a phrase she mentioned...."Guardians of each other's solitude".

The quote is from poet, Rainer Maria Rilke:

"The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky."

The "She Just Got Married" blog is called "Discovering YOU After 'I Do'" for a reason. You can only honor and love another if you know, honor and love who you are first.

Laura shares these words: Be clear about who you are as an individual — and aware of your needs within the union. There is a road map of "us," but it's only as good as the road map of "me."

You can read her entire article in the NY Times.

"If It's Not Fun (at Least Most of the Time), You're Not Doing It Right." This applies to a lot of things in life, but at the moment I'm thinking about it in terms of both relationships and wedding planning. 

A wedding has two parts, the religious or legal rite (ceremony) and the celebration (reception). Planning a religious rite is serious and solemn, but that doesn't mean it doesn't include plenty of joy. It is, in many ways, a celebration in and of itself: of our love for each other, of our commitment to each other, of the miracle of male- and female-ness, of the gift of marriage, of the family and friends who have impacted our lives and brought us to the point where we are ready to make a public commitment of love and fidelity to each other. Yes, that's heavy, solemn stuff, but seriously - how much more joyous can you get?? We're choosing the words we'll say when we promise to love and support each other for the rest of our lives, the music we'll hear as we first see each other as bride and groom, the wedding rings we'll exchange and wear forever. Solemn, but joyful!!

And the reception is basically a big party to celebrate and share our happiness and joy with family and friends! Sure, there are lots of details to think through, and it's a often major financial outlay, but it's a PARTY. Planning a party is fun! Or at least, it's supposed to be. If you're not having fun planning it, you've lost sight of the point. The point is to celebrate! Friends and family (those worth being called such, anyway) are not going to think less of you because you chose chicken cordon bleu instead of filet mignon. They're not going to leave in a huff because they were seated at Uncle Paul's table and not Uncle Joe's. And they're certainly not going to ask you to give back the lovely blender they gave you because your DJ played the Macarena and not the Chicken Dance. If the planning isn't fun, most likely the execution isn't going to be fun, either. 

And as for relationships, they are WORK - but who says that work can't be fun? Aren't the most satisfying accomplishments often the ones that took the most work? Last night, I ran a mile and a half at 4.5 miles per hour. It was more physical work than I've done in months, and it HURT and part of me wanted to quit the entire time, but WOW did I feel fabulous about myself when I finished! I let out a whoop that scared the cats, and the grin on my face lasted for about an hour. I wouldn't say that the workout was exactly "fun", but it was certainly satisfying, and I'm glad I did it, and I want to do it again. That's the kind of work that should go into a relationship. It's hard and sometimes it's frustrating and you're not always sure how it's going to come out in the end, but boy is it satisfying when you come through the work into a place where you can coast and catch your breath for a bit, and just enjoy feeling good about where you're at. And if you don't spend a lot of time feeling good, and enjoying where you are, and having FUN being in that relationship - there is something seriously wrong with that relationship. 

Nothing can be fun all the time - our brains would burn out! But if the fun, and the joyfulness, and the satisfaction part isn't what you're feeling the majority of the time, it's time to re-evaluate. So although I'm working harder than I ever have in my life, I'm keeping my wedding planning joyful, and my reception planning fun, and my relationship with H ULTIMATELY satisfying!!

And it could be yours!

This fun caddy from the wonderful people at Kirkland's can be used as a shower caddy on a getaway, or for crafting, cleaning, scrapbooking, picnic getaways...or whatever you'd like.

♥ What a great gift for a Bride-to-be!! ♥

Just leave a comment and you will be entered to win. Contest ends July 14th.

*Rules and legal info from Kirkland's.*

My birthday is Saturday. I absolutely love ♥ my birthday and everyone who has ever known me knows this. I don't try to hide the fact or be modest and humble. I expect a party and I am happy to host my own. Quite frankly, it makes me sad :-( that some people try to avoid the fact that they're another year older. It's really just the best reason ever to have any kind of fun you want!

My husband, however, grew up in a house where birthdays were just not as big of a deal as they were in my house.  So this whole seemingly never-ending celebration (truth be known.....I go around saying 'it's my birth-week' the day after the official day) came as a surprise to him.  I could see that this was a subject that we needed to discuss in depth and with full disclosure....a definite need to know.

And now? He's totally in the game - in fact, he really loves being a part of the fun. And when it's his birthday, I reciprocate!

My best friend's husband, who is a great guy, gave my friend a card for their first anniversary. It was a beautiful card but he didn't write anything personal....not even a signature.

He grew up in a house where his dad did the same thing.....he let the card do all the talking.

Instead of just letting this be a point of irritation, my best friend decided to tell him how she felt. She didn't get upset or attack but she told her husband how much she loved the card but that she would really love to read something he wrote as well.

He stood there holding the card and said "do you mean right now?"

She just smiled at him...and he went upstairs and wrote from his heart.

This year on her birthday he gave her two cards. He handed her the first one and said "I got you this card just because it's so pretty and it looked like something you'd really like."

 Then he handed her a second card. He didn't just sign it but he had written an entire page of words that were 'his'. ♥

You'd be surprised how much your husband really does want to know what you like. Don't assume that just because you're married now that he can read your mind or know all the little things that mean so much to you.  But if you are wise....and tell him out of love, he'll bend over backwards to be the man of your dreams.

If you think it's a 'need to know' subject, then he needs to know!

It was one of 'those' days...or maybe it's been one of those weeks. The days have kind of run together lately.

The point is....my husband and I are right in the middle of transition...one of life's little blessings. ♥

Ok - that sounded sarcastic...probably because it was.

It's these transition times - times of change - that give you the opportunity to grow and discover your relationship muscles. Blah blah blah. Can't we just go back to the way it was?

Guess what....you can't. 

I had held my emotions at bay as long as I could (not that my husband wasn't fully aware that there was a storm brewing).  Then one night this week I looked at him and just asked...'are you happy?'

There it was....the hurricane of emotions had come ashore.  Hurricanes are not like tornadoes which develop quickly and many times, hit when people are totally unaware. Hurricanes evolve slowly and grow stronger with each stage but you do have advance warning and can prepare.

I imagine my husband had been preparing.

Here are the stages of development for a hurricane:

1.       Disturbance

2.       (Tropical) Depression - has at least one isobar (Point of equal pressure)

3.       Storm - Sustained surface winds are becoming 'organized'

4.       All hell breaks loose

If you live in an area that is susceptible to hurricanes you learn very early to have a Survival Plan.

1.       Board up your house to keep the windows and doors from being blown in.

2.       Evacuate (if you can) - simply stated....move to higher ground

3.       Secure your most precious belongings

4.       Have an emergency kit available

As the winds of Hurricane ME blew all around I took shelter in my husband's calm.

I was in a safe place with him. We didn't 'evacuate' - leave the situation - but together we moved to an emotional 'higher ground'. We faced the storm and the potential danger together. He held me as I cried ...like the beating rain of a hurricane . I knew that this storm would pass and I, his most precious belonging, was secure.

As for the emergency kit....be sure it includes chocolate. Mine had cookies!

If you've ever been through a real hurricane (and I have) something  amazing happens once the hurricane has passed. The skies seem clearer than you've ever seen. It's incredible!

source

Be prepared, hold on tight, move to higher ground....and soon, the sun will come out.

I was in a major cleaning mood today.  You know the kind of day when you take everything out of the bathroom cabinets only to reorganize them and put them back in?  I had the itch!  I stripped the bed first thing this morning to wash our sheets, deep cleaned the bathrooms, scrubbed the kitchen, did about four loads of laundry, swept the hardwoods and then got on my hands and knees to wipe them down, took out the recycle, paid a bunch of bills, clipped and organized coupons...you name it, I am pretty sure I did it today, or at least considered doing it!  I was on a roll, and being oh so efficient! 

I was itching to clean out our guest room/office closet.  It has been the dumping grounds from the day we moved in for anything from holiday decorations, clothing overflow, a filing cabinet, games, printer paper, etc.  We live in a condo in downtown Orlando, so space is limited, but the guest closet is huge -- thank goodness!  So, I was getting anxious to finally clean it out and get it organized!  I knew I couldn't lift some of the boxes or reach the upper shelves so I asked Todd for some help later this afternoon.  He was more than happy to help, but I had no idea what I was getting into!

We moved the majority of the bigger items out of the closet to help us have a "clean slate" of sorts.  As we were moving things back into the closet, and finding a home for them in which they were accessible and organized, Todd chimed in with his ideas.  "Why don't we put my golf clubs in the guest bathroom tub...[an eyebrow lift on my part I am sure!!]...we can close the shower curtain so you don't see them?" and "we could keep the vaccum in the guest bathroom".  I was in shock...not even sure how to respond.  My initial thoughts: 1) He underestimates my organizing abilities if he thinks I can't make this all work!! 2) My husband is way past his college days!  Maybe this is how he lived pre-marriage, but I am not about to put a vaccum and golf clubs in the guest bathroom when there is plenty of room in the closet! 3) What do we do when we have guests over?  Decorate the family room with our cleaning supplies and sports equipment?  Finally, Todd explained that he thought I was trying to clean out the closet, so it only seemed logical to him that as things become tighter in the closet, we could just put them other places....like the bathroom!  Needless to say, I am still confused!  Sometimes, I humor him and we do it his way, but no worries everything made it back into the closet this time!  This must be the same logic that helped Todd's bike find it's way to our family room at our old place!  It was certainly a conversation starter!

Things like this happen all the time at our house, and I just sit back and think "Wow!  How differently God made us!!"  It just makes me wonder...what things do you and your husband think very differently about? 

We moved into the city where my husband's brother and sister-in-law have lived for several years. Last year the four of us spent a two week vacation together which we had never done before. We, quite surprisingly, had a fantastic time. I mean, really....two weeks in a condo together could make or break a relationship. It was uncharted territory because, up until then, our time together had been somewhat limited due to distance. So...yeah for us! We get along fantastically! We'll live happily ever after in our new found hang-out-BFF-relationships.

But then....I started decorating this house.

I wanted to do something new and fun in the guest bathroom. Originally I was going with a calm blue and brown motif but then.....out of nowhere I saw this picture (below) that just lured me in. A total contrast to my original ideas. Suddenly, I was full swing into a sultry boudoir themed bathroom...red, black and white. It was going to be fantastic..and fun!!

One day my brother-in-law dropped over to see the progress we had made with the house. He walked in my new FUN bathroom and said "WHOA....it looks like a brothel". What's a brothel, you ask? A whore house!! Yeah....he just said my new work of art looked like a whore house!

I said ....."Thank you!"

A few weeks later I found what I considered to be the 'pièce de résistance' - or what Wikipedia calls "a highlight or showpiece thereby making the whole of the creation unique and special."

Definitely unique and special, wouldn't you say? And if that doesn't say "FUN"...what does?

At the Wish Upon a Wedding (Colorado) launch event last week I had the privilege of meeting just such a person....Christina Gressianu, internationally award-winning wedding photojournalist.

Yep...this is Christina!

"People enjoy being in front of my camera. My clients say I have a "happy" lens."

Bridal Portraits

Mt. Sopris in Carbondale, Colorado

(above) Fabulous shot from a "trash the dress' session!

...and yes....even the most tender moments..

Christina seems to sum up her life philosphy with these words....

I think everyday, everyone should do one little thing out of the ordinary. One little act that is simultaneously exciting and uncomfortable. That way, when big opportunities or big ideas present themselves, you'll be a pro at tuning out the fearful voice telling you to play it safe. You'll be able to recognize that little whisper saying "yes, do it." And you will listen. ♥

My dad had several co-workers who also loved to camp, so there were three families who spent two weeks at Pawtuckaway State Park in Raymond NH every summer. Back in those days, you couldn’t reserve a site ahead of time, so we’d get up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning, hitch up our tent-trailer to our giant Plymouth Fury station wagon, and caravan north to wait in line at the gate in the hopes of getting three sites together, preferably on the water so we could launch our canoes right from the site. The moms would keep us kids occupied, often by taking us to the beach, while the dads set up the trailers and got things unpacked. We’d often pack picnic lunches and canoe out to one of the many islands in the lake where we’d find a big rock to perch on and eat. Most of the islands had wild blueberry bushes so the kids would wander around and pick a few as a snack. When we were a bit older, we’d bring our bikes (or, one memorable summer, skateboards!) and ride around the campground all afternoon.

But the best part was at night, when we’d cook dinner over the campfire and tell ghost stories, or hear about our parents’ childhood vacations, or sing silly songs. We’d toast marshmallows and make s’mores and occasionally boil water in a Styrofoam cup. One memorable night, one of the moms had her feet propped up on the edge of the fire pit and actually melted the soles of her sneakers! If it was cool or rainy, we’d spend the evenings inside one of the trailers, playing cribbage or word games by the light of the Coleman lantern.

In the morning, if it was still chilly, my dad would warm my socks over the lantern before I put them on. Then he’d make another fire in the fire pit and cook pancakes. Once one of the boys was watching him flip pancakes and jokingly warned him not to get one stuck to the tree. He went off for a morning fishing trip in the canoe and when he got back my dad had nailed a pancake to the tree.

I suspect that it’s stories like that as much as the actual camping that give camping vacations such an appeal to me. Camping brings back wonderful warm memories of my childhood. And I love creating memories like that with H. I wonder what kind of stories our son will have to tell about his childhood camping trips. Will he share my memories of feeding chipmunks the leftover toast crumbs from breakfast? Will he have a story like mine of a squirrel somehow getting into the car and eating an entire bag of M&Ms? Will he remember his father warning him not to touch the side of the tent when it’s raining and, like me, will he do it anyway and be fascinated by the beads of water streaming through the fabric?

Someday, I hope he might even sit by a campfire and tell his children the story of how his grandmother once opened her suitcase in the tent to find a newborn family of mice squeaking and wriggling amidst her unmentionables. After all, it’s stories like that one that make camping – and families – such great fun!

I've heard it said that men want sex