As a newlywed, there were a lot of things that surprised me the first Christmas that H and I were together. Since I have a relatively small family, everyone in my family gets Christmas presents for everyone else, adults and children alike. I guess I just assumed that everyone else did it the same way. So I was surprised to find out that in H’s family, the adults draw names and get a present for just one other adult, then everyone gets presents for the kids. And on top of that, in our family everyone makes a list of gift suggestions (we usually exchange them at Thanksgiving dinner), but in H’s family, if you don’t have a good idea on your own, you sneakily ask the recipient’s spouse or parent or child for gift ideas.

One of the biggest surprises about Christmas that I discovered as a newlywed was how completely differently H and I do our Christmas shopping. First of all, I rarely if ever shop on line. I like to look at what I’m buying, feel it in my hands, evaluate its quality in person before I turn over my cold, hard cash. Also, being a frugal Yankee, it kills me to pay shipping for something that I could buy down the street. But H does as much of his shopping on line as he can, and nearly every day in December that first year some fat envelope or box with the distinctive Amazon.com logo appeared on our doorstep. (I was warned in no uncertain terms that I was not to open, shake, or sniff any of those packages. No peeking!!)

But H does occasionally deign to darken the doors of an actual store. So we did a few shopping runs together. His plan on shopping is usually: Go to store X, purchase item Y; if not in stock, go to store Z, purchase item Y. My plan is usually: Store X is having good sales, I'll wander around until I see something that would be a good present for person Y; if I don’t find anything I might get something for person Z instead. His shopping plan drove me a little bit crazy, and my shopping plan drove him a little bit crazy. But we managed to both be patient with each other, and in the end we got all the presents we needed without major bloodshed.

That wasn’t the end of the Christmas surprises, though. I had bought H one large present and several smaller presents, since that’s the way my family always did it. And his Christmas stocking was my piece de resistance, overflowing with elegant toiletries, whimsical desk toys, satin boxers, fancy candies, and various stationery supplies. The Christmas stocking was always my favorite part of Christmas, and I looked forward to opening it even more than any of my other gifts. So I will admit that I was a bit disappointed when my stocking contained a handful of candy, a pad or two of post-it notes, a tube of chapstick, and a small bottle of moisturizer. Where was the new toothbrush? The packs of gum? The crossword puzzle book? The new wall calendar? The funny socks? The pretty underwear? The desk toys? Weren’t those all things that were supposed to be in a Christmas stocking? But I hid my disappointment, and I soon forgot all about it as H kept bringing me generous gift after generous gift. We alternated opening gifts and he was done long before I was, leaving me a bit embarrassed. I had given him a new coffeemaker, plus a nice dress shirt or two and a new leather belt, but he had given me a cashmere sweater, a leather wallet, sheepskin slippers, some elegant lingerie, a large bottle of very expensive perfume, a pair of boots, and on and on and on.

But now that we’ve been married for a few years, I have the drill down. I know I don’t need to sweat making sure his stocking is full to overflowing, and I have a better idea of how many gifts to buy for him. I know what to expect when we go shopping together, and I know how to change my own shopping habits to make our shared shopping outings a more pleasant experience for both of us. But most of all, I know that I love waking up next to him on Christmas morning, I love watching him open gifts from me, and I love watching him watching me opening gifts from him. Time spent together on Christmas morning is the best Christmas present of all.