She Just Got Married Blog
I love my husband so much it hurts.
Like today when I dropped him off at the airport. It's never easy to say goodbye to my best friend. We are on a journey of becoming one. When he's gone I limp and hobble for a few days, before I remember what it's like to be on my own again. Love hurts. I was fine as a single, but now.... I don't know what to do for a weekend without him!
But for me, there is something that makes love hurt even more...
My faults.
Sin and selfishness flare up like a nasty virus. Marriage lays bare my imperfections.
One day there is passionate love exploding like a fireworks display between us. But the next day next minute there are fights that resemble the start of World War III with bombs and missiles striking all around.
Welcome to marriage. It's a mix of harmony and hysteria. Neither of us became holy and selfless after we said I do. The glimmer and glow of the wedding day quickly fades in comparison to the lifetime of facing fears, insecurities, and shortcomings together.
During this first year of marriage, I have actually started to love my husband's flaws. I expect that he will make mistakes, but even then, I accept him all the more. His imperfections are of no surprise to me, nor do they rattle the ring off my finger.
But what surprises me more than this is what I see in my heart...
I still long to be the shimmering bride I was a year ago. However, there is an obvious ugliness within me. It feels like my white wedding gown has changed into grubby rags, like Cinderella at midnight.
How do I make the clock go back?
It hurts our marriage that I am so dirty, ravished with flaws and mistakes. Bad tempers, sour attitudes, and selfish motives are more common than my regular habit of showering my husband with loving hugs and kisses.
I love him so much that I never want to make a mistake. But in one day I have failed more ways than I count. It will never be possible to say all the right things, show him affection in all the exact moments, and please him in every way that he deserves. I am a helplessly imperfect bride.
But in these messy moments of marriage I am learning something of the way my husband sees me...
To him I am still his perfect bride.
He loves my flaws. He expects mistakes. He accepts me as I am. My imperfections are of no surprise to him. They will never rattle the ring off his finger.
The other day I hit a little bump in the road of life, I was at my worst. He sat with me, wiped the tears from eyes, and with one small phrase he helped me to accept my imperfections once again,
"Charissa...All I can think to say right now is this... I love you. Forever. I will never leave. I will never forsake you."
In that instant my husband awakened me to how painful love really is- embracing, accepting, and forgiving one another in the weakest most vulnerable moments.
Love hurts us both.
Learning to love the ugly parts is a painful process, but it's led this imperfect bride to put back on her white wedding gown.
Love is beautiful.
"There is no remedy for love but to love more." Henry David Thoreau
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On the eve of our 1st anniversary...thank you for lett me know that I'm not alone. Everything you said, totally fits me. Sometimes I do love him so much that it hurts...and I'm not always the best bride that I know he deserves. Thank goodness neither one of us are perfect!!
Everything you've written is so true. I just melted when you wrote how your husband sat with you and reassured you.
God has blessed us with truly wonderful men.
The way you wrote openly about the messy moments - arguments and selfish motives - so true. I appreciate that you wrote about it.
Being imperfect and growing is beautiful. Growing together is magic! God Bless :D
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