She Just Got Married Blog

So...have you heard of the show Sister Wives? I had not watched a single episode until last night which turned out to be marathon night where they showed many episodes back to back. My husband wanted to watch a little (more) football so he went downstairs to the man-cave. I had the upstairs TV all to myself so I put on my fuzzy pj's (the ones that announce.....'hey - I'm opting for comfort tonight) poured myself a glass of girly wine and began to channel surf looking for a nice chick-flick to wind down with for the evening. But I saw a commercial for Sister Wives so I thought ... 'why not'?
I have to admit, I kind of like knowing that my husband and I are 'exclusive'. It reminds me of a game we played in elementary school where a group of girls would join hands and form a circle then sing:
Tick Tock the game is locked
Nobody can play but us, but us
And if they do, we'll knock them blue
And that's the end of Y-O-U.
I suppose it's more than just "I like knowing we're exclusive"....I pretty much insist on it and the thought of sharing him with anyone else isn't even in my realm of thinking.
In the 1950's they coined the phrase "wife-swapping" (which had an entirely different meaning from the show we all came to know and detest love). In the 70's the term 'swingers' became the word of choice for those who wanted to have sex outside of marriage and basically, not get in trouble for doing it.
What exactly is swinging?
Unlike "open marriages" of the 1970's which promoted non-possessive love and tolerance of infidelity in their spouses (O'Neill and O'Neill, 1972), or "polyamory" (Wesp, 1992) - the love of many people at once - swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.
Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one's marital partner, remains the primary focus.
Ok - I'll stop there with the technical definition but I do want to point out the part that says "swinging is treated like any other social activity that can be experienced as a couple".
Is that what sex is? A social activity? And can emotional monogamy truly be the primary focus if you're sharing the most intimate part of your relationship with someone else at the same time?
I'm not here to judge the practice of polygamy. Polygamists knowingly form relationships based non-exclusivity. I don't understand it but I'm not here to judge. But Kody, the husband of the Sister Wives, admitted that there was no way to avoid the pain that the newest marriage would cause the others. And you could see it in their eyes and feel it in their words and through their tears. Mari, the first of Kody's wives, cried as she helped her husband dress for his wedding with the fourth and newest Sister Wife, Robyn. Mari put her head on Kody's chest as he hugged her close. Then she said "I wish this was my wedding night".
My heart truly ached for her as she watched the events play out that night knowing he would be sharing his body and his heart with another woman that night and for many more nights to come.
When the football game was over my husband came upstairs. By that time, I had changed out of my old comfy, lounging pj's and he and I went to bed together....just the two of us - experiencing with each other a gift that is truly just ours...mind, body and soul. Tick tock the game is locked and no one can play but us, but us.


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