Let me preface this by admitting that I am not a wedding professional. I am basing my suggestions on having planned my own wedding and on having seen way too many episodes of reality shows like “Bridezillas”, “Say Yes to the Dress”, and “My Perfect Wedding”. From the former, I learned what works in planning a successful wedding. From the latter, I learned what absolutely does not. Throw in a little common sense, and you get these three rules which will help you plan a lovely, stress-free wedding.

1. Be Organized

A little organization goes a long way in terms of saving you time and energy. Making a list of what needs to get done will help you prioritize your time and budget. Advance planning will help you make the most of both the expertise of the vendors and wedding professionals with whom you work, and the time and talents of friends and family who want to help out.

For example, when you go to a bridal salon to try on wedding gowns, don’t go in with no idea of what you’re looking for or what your budget is. Spend some time browsing through bridal magazines and cut out a few pictures of gowns you like. Think about what specifically you like about each one – is it the beading? The neckline? The silhouette? If you pick out your ideal dress but the salon doesn’t carry it or it isn’t flattering on your figure or you just can’t afford it, knowing the features you like will help your consultant find an alternative that appeals to you, flatters you, and fits your budget.

2. Be Realistic

Be realistic about your budget. You may have always dreamed of a guest list of 300 of your closest friends and family, or wearing a Pnina gown and hand-beaded Jimmy Choos, or arriving in a carriage pulled by six white horses, but are those plans realistic, given your budget? Are you willing to sacrifice other aspects of your wedding for that one perfect thing you just HAVE to have? Are you willing to take on thousands of dollars of debt for it? Be realistic about your budget and be ready to make those difficult decisions.

Be realistic about logistics. Maybe you’ve always wanted to get married at an intimate walled garden in your hometown, but there just won’t be room for your fiance’s eight siblings and their spouses plus all your sorority sisters plus the other 200 guests your parents insist be invited. Or maybe you’ve always wanted fourteen bridesmaids all carrying some rare flower that just isn’t available for your November wedding. Understand that you can’t change the laws of physics or nature just to suit your own whims.

3. Be Reasonable

It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of “It’s MY day, I should get everything I want,” even if everything comes at the expense of vendors and friends. Of course you want your bridesmaids to wear the dresses you’ve always imagined, but if those dresses happen to cost $750 and all three of your bridesmaids have just graduated from medical school AND live on the other side of the country, ask yourself if you’re being reasonable. If you plan on having a destination wedding, be reasonable about your expectations of who will attend – don’t be disappointed if you only have a handful of guests. Try putting yourself in the shoes of the people you’re dealing with – if you wouldn’t want to be asked to stay up making favors till 3am, or to pay to fly to Vegas for a bachelorette party, or to wear an unflattering dress, chances are your friends wouldn’t either.

Be reasonable when you’re dealing with vendors and wedding professionals, as well. Remember that they have handled dozens, hundreds, even thousands of weddings. They’ve seen much more than you have, and they have resources you can’t dream of. If you’re ready to be reasonable and listen to their suggestions, they can help you find compromises that will suit you and your budget. Your florist can suggest flowers similar to what you want but can’t afford or that aren’t in season for your wedding. Your caterer might know of a venue similar to your dream garden but that can seat twice as many guests. Your bridal salon consultant might have a dress style you hadn’t considered that will be more flattering than anything you’d imagined. If you’re willing to be reasonable, you’ll end up with fantastic resources you can tap into.

So remember: be organized, be realistic, and be reasonable, and then there’s no reason you can’t plan the wedding of your dreams with no stress, no strained friendships, and no burned bridges. And, just for the record, if at the end of your wedding day, you’re married to the man you love, your wedding was a success. Anything beyond that is just gravy.

"Charissie...Do you know what?"

                "What?"

He stares into my eyes with a look that only I am privileged to see, "I LOVE YOU."

A smile breaks across my face. We squeeze each other tightly, savoring the moment as if it were our first hug. Although held in his arms and wrapped in his love, my heart feels completely free.

Becoming one in marriage with my husband has not limited me, but liberated me!  Each time he reaffirms his love for me in his words or actions, I stand in awe of how someone could love me so much.  

I don't deserve it.

But in the security of his love my critical mind and doubts disappear.  My husband's love sets me free. Not that I was imprisoned before, but now I have an unmistakable picture of how God truly sees me. Many days I would try and please my Creator. I would strive to earn His love.  But now I understand ...

                I am free to be myself.

                     I am free to pursue the dreams on my heart.

                     I am free to live.

                     I am free to run.

                     I am free to experience all that God has for me.

Within love's safety net there is complete trust. Even in my imperfections there is redemption, grace, and reconciliation. I know my husband will not abandon me.

There are times of closeness, when we sway and move in rhythm, wrapping our arms around each other. There are times of distance, when he spins me out and I twirl around, with my dress blowing in the wind. There is freedom to have space and to be embraced. But we are always moving in unity, dancing to the beat of freedom.

Throughout our first year of marriage I can remember countless times where my husband's love lifted me out of my sadness and loneliness. His comforting words and reassuring hugs were exactly what I needed to get me through this season of change. I cried many too many tears and never once was did he tell me to get a hold of myself or push me away.  His love brought me near, but also gave me time to process all that was going on in my heart.  

Together and apart, up and down, near and far. Love never fails. Within the bounds of love I have found freedom.

I stand in awe.  

{How funny! Just as I concluded writing this, my husband walked through the door and said the very words I wrote at the beginning of this post! Oh how I love my man!}

But the question remains... how will I respond to his love?

How do you set your husband free to be himself and pursue all that's on his heart? Do you trust one another?

As we near the 2 year anniversary of the launch of She Just Got Married, I am overwhelmed, blessed and humbled by being able to be a small of the beginning of so many beautiful new relationships.  

I have also learned more than I ever imaged. The business is evolving into something that is beyond the original concept and in that process, I am also evolving.

I want to share something personal that's been on my heart for a while. I have been approached several times to promote different businesses and products on She Just Got Married, which is one of the goals of the business....advertising! I should be thrilled, right?

The truth is....I was challenged.  

One of the products I was contacted about was a book promoting "Christian Sex" - and it wasn't the first time I'd been contacted regarding similar businesses.  I'd like to share a portion of the original request to this one in particular and my response:

Dear Shejustgotmarried administrators,

I was truly blessed to come across your blog as I was researching the Christian marriage market. The reason for my email is a marketing proposal. I would like to offer you a lucrative opportunity to promote a new eBook that perfectly fits your market and list of subscribers.

Like you, I am someone in ministry with a burden to see marriages healed and strengthened, and I have found that Christian sex life is one of the key areas in this respect....

(My reply)...

Dear _______,

Thank you so much for contacting us. I'm thrilled you found our site.

I, like you, believe that this is a type of ministry. However, I tend to stay away from being labeled a "Christian" ministry...but more of a community of encouragement and empowerment for newlywed women. Do I believe in Jesus? Absolutely! But I have so many wonderful spiritual friends and family members who love God but call themselves by names other than Christian (or chose to have no label at all).

I believe the issues, joys, sorrows, challenges and triumphs of marriage are universal - just like parenting. A Jewish or Buddhist mother feels everything I do. The same is true for marriage - Hindu, Muslim, Christian, as well as those who don't feel the need to be a part of any religious organization - each long to have a fulfilled marriage relationship...the most intimate of relationships created. Sex is universal...and marital, intimate, fulfilling sex is for all couples.

So, on this basis I will have to decline your proposal. I hope this makes sense. I would never want to exclude those who are a part of our community who don't refer to themselves as "Christian" but want to connect with other newlywed women and grow in their own marriages. I love the idea that you are encouraging couples to actually ENJOY Sex! After all, God was the one who created orgasm!

I wish you and your wife many blessings in your ministry...and I hope you don't feel it a burden but a gift! ~ Sincerely, Denée King

As we all continue to grow and evolve, I hope you will find our community a place where all are welcome, free of exclusions and fully embracing the beauty of diversity.

Thank you for being a part of these past two years and I look forward to what the future has in store for all!

Love, Denée

Founder, She Just Got Married

     I just lo-o-ove reading personal ads.  You can sometimes learn more information about a person in one short ad than a psychiatrist could dig out of them after years of intense on-the-couch therapy.  And you don’t have to be Inspector Clouseau to figure out the full story in the following sales ad:
                   NORDIC TRACK - $300.  Hardly used. 
                                    Call Chubby


...or this one:
        FREE PUPPIES - Mother - AKC German Shepherd;
  Father - Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

...but, especially this one:
    COMPLETE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANICCA - 45 volumes.     Excellent condition.  $1,000 or best offer.  No longer needed.
         Got married last month - wife knows everything.

I don’t know everything (my guy would sure attest to that fact), but even I can see what’s going on in that relationship.  I’m predicting the guy’s next ad will be:  

                     WEDDING TUX - Used once...by mistake!

Creative Custom Cardbox $50 Gift Certificate

Ooooohh - a FUN giveaway!

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Cardboxes are great for:

♥ Weddings

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♥ Graduation

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♥ Any occasion where cards are given!

Thank you to Marni Gold, creator of Creative Custom Cardboxes, for offering a fabulous $50.00 Gift Certificate to the winning entry.

♥ Here's how to enter to win ♥

Leave a comment (if you are not registered on SheJustGotMarried please include your email address)

Want MORE chances to win?

*one extra entry - Follow @SheJustGotMarri on Twitter AND  Retweet our Twitter Post

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Contest ends August 31st

There's debate on the recipe for a good marriage, but the ingredients for a Jewish wedding are simple to remember: an appreciation for history, a glass to shatter, the ability to make that throaty "chh" noise, two chairs, and a sense of humor. I'm going to share the elements of a Jewish wedding as my husband and I chose to incorporate them at our wedding in June of 2009. 

Our wedding festivities started with a bedecken, which is the unveiling of the bride before the ceremony.  This is one of the many places where the appreciation for history comes in handy, because the reason for the bedecken is ancient history.  In the Old Testament Jacob discovered, after marrying the woman he thought was Rachel, that he had actually married Leah.  Of course this is no longer a common mistake, but we Jews do love our tradition!  After the groom has made absolutely positively sure that he's about to marry the right woman, he recites a Hebrew blessing given to Rebecca (If you're counting, there are now 3 women involved in this story -- no wonder it gets confusing!) before her marriage: "Our sister, be thou the mother of thou-sands of ten thousands".

Immediately following the bedecken, the bride, groom, and two witnesses signed the ketubah.  The ketubah is basically an ancient prenup, the purpose of which is to prevent the husband from divorcing his wife against her will -- in ancient times, this was acceptable. Today, the ketubah is more of a formality, a display of tradition, and the chance for the new couple to have some meaningful art in their new home. There are thousands of beautifully decorated ketubahs available on the internet, but we chose to use some basic graphic design to replicate my husband's great-great grandparents' simple ketubah.

After our ketubah signing, the actual wedding ceremony began.  Our ceremony lasted about 20 minutes and had a few notable moments. These are only a few of the components of the ceremony, and not all of these happen in every wedding:

The chuppah

There's that pesky, phlegm-y sounding "ch" noise that no one outside the Jewish faith can seem to pronounce correctly.  The wedding ceremony takes place beneath a chuppah, a canopy that represents the couple's new home. These can range anywhere from a simple prayer shawl tied to four poles, to million dollar structures encrusted with jewels and flowers.  Ours was somewhere in the middle.

Seven circles
In some Jewish weddings, the ceremony begins with the bride circling the groom seven times.  There are several interpretation of this tradition:

1) This parallels the seven days of creation, and symbolizes the fact that the bride and groom are about to create their own "new world" together.
2) Seven circles correspond to the seven times in the Torah where it is written "...and when a man takes a wife."
3) When Joshua led the Children of Israel in the battle for the city of Jericho, he was instructed to circle the city seven times, resulting in the walls of the city crumbling. As two people enter into marriage, they face the challenge of breaking down the "walls" that may exist between them.

Other couples prefer to interpret that by circling the groom, the bride is creating the figurative walls of their new home; a symbol of protecting her future husband.  At our wedding, we chose to split the duties: I circled my husband three times, he circled me three times, and then we walked in a circle together.  This was not only symbolic of how chores will work in our future home; this shift in tradition is becoming more common as our society becomes more egalitarian.

The breaking of the glass

At the end of the ceremony, before the kiss, the groom stomps down onto a glass, shattering it into thousands of pieces as the congregation shouts "Mazel tov!"  As with the rest of our traditions, there are several interpretations.  One of the widespread interpretations relates to the destruction of the Temple. The breaking of the glass serves as a reminder of the destruction, and reminds us that life will bring sadness as well as joy.

Our wedding reception was like any other wedding reception, with the exception of one song.  If you know one thing about Judaism, it is probably the tune to hava nagila, a Hebrew folk song that translates to 'let us rejoice' and lift people up in chairs. ♥ This is the point in the Jewish wedding where the chairs will come in handy, and the sense of humor probably couldn't hurt either -- there is potential for you to tumble out of your chair and land headfirst with your wedding dress around your shoulders.

Mazel tov!!

Thank you Daci Spielberger-Platt for sharing this beautiful story of the Jewish wedding celebration with us. Daci and her husband are currently live in Louisiana where she says she is "trying to decide what to do with my life. While doing so, I talk to my dog and write about it." You can read all about her newlywed life at her blog "We're Just Dandy". 

My husband and I recently moved across country. New career, new house, new weather....new everything.  The adjustment to this new location has been so much harder than I ever imagined. I love to travel and I've always been that 'adventurous' girl. But I guess it's because I always knew that I would return 'home'.

I miss my friends, my network of business associates, my mom and I even miss the hot, humid predictable weather.  I miss everything.

Friends of ours were getting married last week which gave us the opportunity to travel back to the city we have recently moved from. While we were making plans to travel I kept making reference to 'going back home'.  I was so excited to be going....home.

But I wasn't going home. My home is with my husband...in this new city.

Does it really matter what I call it?

I think it does.

He needs to know that when I think of going 'home' it's where he and I are....together.

I'm still in the city we moved from but I'm visiting friends and family. On Sunday my husband and I will get on an airplace and travel back to the new city where we live. And together, we'll go 'home'. ♥

Kiss me. As soon as you hear this little phrase the lyrics from the song by Sixpence None the Richer probably come to mind...

"Kiss me down by the broken tree house

Swing me upon its hanging tire...

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me..."

But kiss me is not only a contemporary song, it is also a poignant line of poetry in the Song of Songs. The very first words of the young woman are, "Kiss me again and again for you love is sweeter than wine."

Although poetic rhymes and lyrical songs are not the way my husband and I normally speak to one another, kiss me is something we can all learn to utter frequently and regularly to our man. Over the past few weeks I have been rediscovering the power of this romantic command, kiss me, in my own marriage.

Behind the lyrical line of kiss me are a few lessons I've learned that will benefit you as well!  

Kiss me is quick. In one second, I have communicated to my husband that I want him, not only physically, but also as my best friend and lover.  In just two words I have told him that I need him, adore him, and love his touch.  

Kiss me is also convenient. There is no need to wait for a special time or even an intimate place. It's discreet enough to do anywhere- at a party with friends, visiting family, in the movies, over dinner, or even at church ;)

Romantic moments are not as distant as I think! Kiss me has a way of saying, "We now interrupt your daily programming to bring you this special announcement!" Romance does not just happen in bed, when the house is clean, or after friends have left. Kiss me sparks spontaneity and spice within my marriage, reminding me that anytime is a good time to communicate love to my husband!

Although kiss me starts out as a simple expression of passionate pursuit of my husband, it will most definitely draw us both in for more! Kiss me is not just stating a desire for two lips to come together, but it is proclaiming the passion of two hearts that are staying together. Forever.

More than a cute song, or a little phrase, kiss me actually has the power to sweep our marriage up in a whirlwind of child-like love.

Don't believe me? Just try it.

Next time you are in the presence of your man, just say "kiss me" - whether it's in a whisper, or with a smile, in the car, or in the grocery store, I guarantee what happens next will be like sprinkles on a cupcake- an extra sweet surprise.  

 So pucker up ladies...these two little words are just as necessary as "I'm sorry!" :)

In case you missed the announcement on Facebook or Twitter .....Congratualtions to Nichole for winning the Just Married Signs Only gift.

Want to see what her custom designed sign looks like? Of course you do! ♥

How perfect is that? They were able to match their damask print as well as their colors and create something truly unique for Nichole & Vince.

What a great gift this would make too! So if you want one for your special day or as a gift to make someone else's day really fun just talk to Kelly at Just Married Signs Only and she'll make it happen! ♥

Once upon a time, there were three women. Each woman wanted a rocking chair so she could sit on her porch in the cool of the evening and quietly rock. The first woman found a rocking chair that looked so beautiful and comfortable that she bought it and brought it home without even sitting in it and trying it out. When she got it home, and put it on her porch and began to rock, she noticed that it had a little squeak. And the more she rocked, the louder the squeak got. She tried to ignore it, but it just became more and more annoying until she could stand it no longer and stormed out of the chair and back into her house in a fury.

The second woman found a rocking chair that was also beautiful and comfortable, but being a bit more cautious than the first woman, she sat in the chair and gave it a few rocks. She could hear a little squeak coming from the chair, but it was so comfortable and so beautiful that she thought to herself, “I’m sure I can fix that squeak once I get the chair home.” So she bought the chair and set it up on her porch. But like the first woman, the longer she rocked the louder and more annoying the squeak became. So she went into her house and came back with a can of oil and carefully squirted the chair all over. But still the chair squeaked. So she gave up and abandoned the chair on her porch in frustration.

The third woman, however, was very wise. She saw a beautiful and comfortable chair just like the one the first woman had bought, but when she sat and rocked in it, it squeaked. “I can do better than that,” she thought. Then she saw another beautiful and comfortable chair just like the one the second woman had bought, and when she sat and rocked in it for a bit, it began to squeak as well. “Surely I can do better than that,” she thought. At long last, in the far corner of the shop, she saw a less beautiful-looking rocking chair. She pulled it out of the corner and dusted it off a bit, and sat in it for a moment. The chair was very comfortable and pleasant. And when she began to rock, it was as silent as silent could be. And no matter how long she rocked or how closely she listened, not a squeak came from the chair. So the wise woman brought it home, put it on her porch, and spent many a happy evening rocking quietly in her beloved chair.

And here is the meaning of the parable: The first woman’s chair is like a marriage in which the partners don’t take the time to get to know each other well first. The more you know about each other, the less likely you are to discover a “disagreeable squeak” further down the road. The second woman’s chair is like a marriage in which the partners see a problem, but figure they can always fix it later. It’s always better to be sure the disagreeable squeak is fixable before you get it home. And the third woman’s chair is like a solid marriage in which the partners worry less about surficial things and are more concerned with making sure the partnership is a good fit. If there wasn’t a squeak to begin with, you can be pretty sure that any squeak that develops later on is fixable.